What Do You Do with Baby Clothes When You No Longer Need Them?

As my youngest, who just turned four months, begins to outgrow his clothing, I'm finding in myself an unexpected sentimentality. Many of the baby clothes we have were originally my oldest's (now seven years old!) and have been handed down to each of the boys in turn. There are several outfits that all four have worn, and every time I bring out a box of the next size up, I am heard to squeal, "Oh, this was my favorite! No, this was my favorite!" I look forward to putting certain outfits on the new baby as he grows into them.

I do buy the occasional new bodysuit or sleeper, or sometimes I see a little outfit I love and can't resist purchasing, but this handing-down from one kid to the next means I don't ever have to buy anyone a whole new wardrobe...except the oldest. In fact, I'm so used to being able to just go into the garage and pull out the box of next-size-up clothing that I'm actually resentful at having to buy new clothes for my oldest as he outgrows or wears out his clothes.

Since we've basically decided that four kids is our limit, I no longer need to keep clothes to hand down once the youngest goes up a size. My baby is quickly growing into the 6-9 month size clothing, and I have retired the newborn and 0-3 month stuff. As I put the box away, I realized, I don't need to keep any of these. I have no one to save them for. I can throw them away, or give them away, but I don't need them in my house anymore.

It's a bittersweet feeling. On the one hand, it'll be nice to finally free up some storage space by getting rid of these giant tubs of clothes. On the other hand, it's an odd thought that, after seven years, I don't have to save things.

And I'm finding that I want to preserve the memories attached to some of the outfits. I pulled this yellow duck outfit from Baby Y's drawer and realized it's the outfit my oldest came home from the hospital in.

Baby N, four days old

Baby G, six weeks old

It was too big for the 9-pound Baby N when he first wore it, over seven years ago. We had forgotten to bring a "going-home" outfit with us to the hospital, and someone had brought us this outfit as a gift, so we dressed him it in for the occasion.

But when I put it on the 18-pound, four-month-old Baby Y, it was a smidge too small. The top snap is missing - torn off in some washing in a previous lifetime. I put it in the "too small" tub and brought in the next size up, 6-9 month. I rummaged around to find a "new" outfit, which fits Baby Y perfectly. This, too, was originally N's. I remember S wearing it. I'm not certain if G wore it.

Baby N, three months old

Baby Y, four months old

But this tub, again, is full of seven-year-old outfits, well loved and well worn, but still usable and adorable.

Baby N, five months old.

Baby S, four months old

I just spent quite a while combing through old pictures, hoping to find that I had a picture of each kid in the same outfit, but so far I've come up empty. I have N and S in the same outfit, or even N and G in the same outfit, or S and G in the same outfit, but not all three or, better yet, all four.

Baby S, six months old (with Grandma)

Baby G, five months old

I've read of people craftier than I who have made quilts out of old baby clothes or found other ways to create lasting or useful mementos from them, but I am not that crafty or creative. Still, I like the idea of keeping some of the outfits, somehow, in some form. I don't want to keep tubs and tubs worth of clothes I don't need, of course, but I think I'd like to save a couple of outfits. Part of me likes the idea of giving an outfit to one of my sons, fully grown and a father himself, and saying, "You and your brothers wore this as a baby."

It's as if the clothes in some way carry the memories of the babies who wore them. Most of the clothes, I remember who gave them to us, or when I bought them, or where they came from. I remember a specific instance or photo when one of the babies was wearing a particular sleeper or overalls. Clothes that weren't bought for my kids but were handed down or over from friends whose babies outgrew them somehow feel less "mine." They have other babies' memories attached instead, other parents' styles.

Some outfits have been thrown away over the years because they were irrevocably stained, or torn, or lost too many snaps or buttons. Some can't be passed along anymore because they're almost unusable or simply worn out. But a few of them have held on, going from baby to baby and staying in relatively good condition. In a way, I'd hate to cut those up to make a quilt or something anyway, since they're still wearable. I'm still thinking about what I'd like to do.

Have you saved your babies clothes as they're outgrown, or do you prefer to pass things along as soon as you don't need them? What creative ways have you seen to preserve the memories attached to baby clothes?

On Little Girls in "Sexy" Clothes

I have three boys. This means I'm not exactly savvy when it comes to the latest little girl fashions. Frankly, I'm not well versed in the little boy fashions, either, except boy clothes are typically a shirt and pants, with little variation beyond the plaid versus stripes versus graphic debate. School uniforms are easy, too: polo shirt and khaki pants. Done and done. I like boy clothes.

Girl clothes, I gather, are a whole different world. First of all, in the kids' clothing section of your average department store, at least two-thirds of the clothes are girls'. After all, when it comes to boys, it's pretty much pants or shorts and a shirt. Girls have pants and shorts and many different kinds of shirts and then dresses and skirts and dresses and dresses and dresses and, oh, did I mention dresses? Dresses scare me. I don't even like to wear dresses, except on special occasions. I was never very girly. I see my friends' daughters wearing dresses and glittery stuff and princessy stuff, and it's just way outside my vocabulary.

But even so, I know that I get disturbed when I see little girls wearing "mature" clothes. By this, I mean toddler and elementary aged girls wearing small bikinis, short shorts, strappy shirts, off-the-shoulder shirts, pants and shorts with words on the butt, skinny jeans and leggings without a suitably long shirt over them, and so on. These styles are meant to be sexy on an adult woman, and there's something vaguely uncomfortable to me about seeing a little girl in "sexy" clothes. I've heard many arguments for and against little girls wearing such clothing, from "But it's cute!" to "What about the pedophiles?" but none of those arguments fully explained why I personally am made uncomfortable by it.

It was walking home from delivering my son to kindergarten one morning that I finally understood exactly what bugs me.

In Judaism, we have a concept called "tzniut," which roughly translates to "modesty." Tznuit is a very basic fact of religious Jewish life and refers to how both men and women should dress as well as the subjects that are discussed in public. When a woman wants to dress according to tzniut, she wears a long skirt and long-sleeved, high-necked shirt. A man should dress in a way in which he positively presents himself, in clean clothing that is well maintained, appropriate to his situation. From childhood, girls and boys are taught to dress in a tzniut way, to present themselves modestly, and to stay away from non-tzniut discussion such as what might go on in the bedroom. When children grow up always wearing modest clothing, it comes naturally to continue to dress that way.

On the flip side, then, if a girl grows up having been dressed in "sexy" clothing as a young girl, it will continue to come naturally to her to dress that way as she grows. If she's always worn short skirts and bikinis and tiny tank tops, she will not be uncomfortable dressing this way, and she might not realize that she may be inviting unwanted attention, or that others may be objectifying her. She doesn't necessarily dress this way, at eight years old, to attract men or attention; she dresses this way because she always has, and she has been raised to think it's "cute."

I realize, of course, that at some point a girl is going to grow up and want to dress like her friends, in what's stylish, regardless of her upbringing. I have no advice or perspective on this, since I do not have a teenage daughter, nor was I your typical teenage girl. However, there's something distinctly different, to me, about a 15-year-old girl wearing short shorts and a nine-year-old girl wearing the same. A 15-year-old is likely considerably more aware of her sexuality and will deliberately dress in a way which she believes enhances her desirable traits to teenage boys she wishes to attract. A nine-year-old should not be thinking or behaving in such a way. (Not that I'm condoning a 15-year-old acting this way, but at least, to my mind, it makes a certain amount of sense - teenagers are supposed to act that way.)

In the same vein, how we dress reflects how we want others to see us. When young girls are already objectifying themselves as sexual objects, how can we expect young boys not to see them that way? If we teach our daughters to dress in a way that is respectful of their own bodies, they can learn that the types of boys they might attract by dressing inappropriately are not the types of boys they should want to attract, anyway.

My husband and I were wandering around Kohl's the other day, and he pointed out a rather short skirt in the young girls' clothing section and said, "I would never let my daughter wear this." I agreed instantly, assuming we have a daughter one day to avoid dressing that way, and mentioned that I was working on this very blog post. I don't have a problem with little girls wanting to look pretty. But there is a difference between "pretty" and "sexy," and little girls need to learn that boundary. It is our duty as parents to help them find that line, and it can start with how we dress them as toddlers and preschoolers.

On a related note, I try to teach my boys to show respect to themselves and others in the way they dress, as well. We don't leave the house if they're not dressed, and I don't like them to wear dirty, stained, or ripped clothing (well, at any rate, we don't start out in stained or dirty clothes - they are boys, after all!). It bothers me if they look not-put-together, for example, if their shirt or pants are put on backward. Dressing in clean, well-maintained clothing shows that you respect yourself and others who will be seeing you. So while my boys have no desire to wear skinny jeans or short skirts, we do still have standards that we try to have them stick to.