A Road Trip with Four Kids

At the end of December we took a six-day road trip from our home near San Francisco to Las Vegas and San Diego and back home. From home to Las Vegas is about a 10-hour drive, according to Google Maps, and from Las Vegas to San Diego is about 5 hours, and then from San Diego back home is about 8 hours. Those are, of course, optimistic estimates that don't take into account the needs of four kids while on the road!

We left on Tuesday the 24th mid-morning, with the return trip planned for Monday the 30th. Our first unscheduled stop was when N, the 7-year-old, had a sudden bout of car sickness and threw up all over himself. We pulled off at a truck stop to clean him and the car up, instructed him in no uncertain terms that he was to spend some time looking out the window and not down at his tablet the whole drive, helped him change his clothes, and continued on our way. Fortunately, that was the first and last problem with illness we had on the whole trip, which I count as nothing short of miraculous!

We had hotel reservations in Bakersfield, Las Vegas, and Oceanside, the three cities where we expected to sleep. My mom was traveling with us, and we needed rooms for the six of us and her. Our older two boys, N and S, stayed in a room with her, and Baby Y and the two-year-old, G, stayed with us. Since N and S are 7 and 5 and can handle their bedtime routines on their own, it seemed like a great opportunity to give them time with Grandma and away from the babies.

We had planned to drive straight through to Bakersfield, which is almost exactly halfway from our house to Las Vegas, but on the way we noticed as we played with our route options that Yosemite National Park wasn't that far out of our way, if we wanted to take a side trip. We decided to go for it and were not disappointed! Yosemite is indescribably beautiful. There was snow on the ground from a recent snowfall, but it was between 45 and 60 degrees the whole day, depending on our elevation, so it was pleasant to stop by the side of the road frequently and see one incredible vista after another. There are many well-placed turnouts and parking areas where you can stop, get out, and enjoy untainted views.

(Click for larger images)

 

 

 

After a few hours in Yosemite, we continued on our way to Bakersfield. The only problem with traveling in the winter is how early the sun sets. By the time we stopped for dinner at a steakhouse in Selma, California, it was quite dark, even though it was barely 6:00. No longer able to enjoy the scenery, which was fantastic the whole way, the drive became more of a chore, trudging along to Bakersfield in an "are we there yet" kind of mood. We arrived, exhausted, relatively late on Christmas Eve in Bakersfield and were happy to relax in the hotel room.

The next morning, we continued on our way to Las Vegas. Our first surprise was the windmill farm in Tehachapi, California. I remembered a drive as a kid during which we had passed dozens, if not hundreds, of windmills on the desert hills, but I didn't remember where I'd seen them. Apparently, they are along the way from Bakersfield to Las Vegas!

After a stop by the side of the freeway to take pictures of the windmills, we headed on down the road to Vegas. Our next pleasant surprise was that the road went straight through Red Rock Canyon, a California State Park. We stopped by the side of the road there, too, to admire the desert scenery, nurse the baby, and, of course, take some pictures!

 

For some reason, Baby Y didn't want to nurse in a traditional manner like, say, the cradle hold, but he happily nursed when I contorted myself into this uncomfortable position.

As we continued through the colorful winter desert, we investigated the possibility of detouring through Death Valley, as another spontaneous visit to a national park. It was a couple of hours out of the way, but since Yosemite had been such a success, we figured, why not? The kids were being amazingly good and patient, the baby seemed to be enjoying the ride, and the adults were finding the drive relaxing, beautiful, and, dare I say it?, fun!

Death Valley in winter is only between 70 and 80 degrees Fahrenheit, so it was pleasantly warm but not painfully hot. The air is incredibly dry, though, and everyone was thirsty. 

We stopped at a pullout overlooking Panamint Valley, on the way down to sea level and beyond.

  

We had a picnic lunch at the Furnace Creek Visitors Center, where their "official" thermometer informed us the temperature was 80 degrees. Our car said 75. Warm for December, but chilly for Death Valley!

We drove on through Death Valley and climbed up to Zabriskie Point, where I wore Baby Y in the Moby wrap to give myself some freedom of movement and a couple of free hands.

 

 

After Death Valley, we drove straight on to the Nevada border, where a giant (fake) cow welcomed us across the state line. It seemed an appropriate place to stop and nurse the baby.

Near the border is the "Area 51 Alien Center," really a quirky convenience store with lots of Area 51 "memorabilia." It's also attached to a (legal) brothel, so there was some brothel memorabilia as well. A funny and bizarre place to stop for some water and alien-themed souvenirs and photos.

Soon after, the sun set, and our journey into Las Vegas was cloaked in darkness. The kids fell asleep, and the lights of Las Vegas welcomed us quietly. We were staying at the Suncoast Hotel, off the Strip. We had dinner at an amazing Brazilian steakhouse and then settled in for the night.

Our plan the next day was to have brunch with my grandparents, who live in Las Vegas, and then head over to the Hoover Dam. We had brunch, and my grandparents very much enjoyed seeing the kids, whom they hadn't seen in two years. After a trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium on Thanksgiving weekend, we had decided we needed some way to visually track the three mobile kids when we're in a crowded place. I bought bright orange polo shirts for each of them, and they wore them on this trip. It worked great, and we were easily able to spot and count our three boys in the casinos and out and about. We set off for the Dam, but traffic from Lake Mead on to the Dam entrance was so heavy we decided to leave it for another visit and just go down to Lake Mead instead. This made National Park number 3! Lake Mead was nearly empty of visitors, and we drove down to Calville Bay, where there's a marina. We had a snack and wandered down to the docks, where a bunch of ducks found G fascinating.

 

Back in Las Vegas, we took them to an arcade at Red Rock Casino (where the orange shirts really came in handy!), had smoothies at the food court, and then met my grandparents for dinner.

 

We were due to leave for Oceanside, our last stop, the next morning. We again had brunch with my grandparents, then hit the road.

One planned stop between Las Vegas and San Diego was Peggy Sue's 50's Style Diner, in Yermo, California. It's a fun place, with a "Diner-Saur" park in the back where the kids played for a bit.

 

We also stopped at a rest stop to nurse the baby and use the bathroom. We finally made it to Oceanside around 6 in the evening and met some close friends for dinner. We sent the older two boys to sleep at Grandma's house, and my husband and I took G and Baby Y with us to a hotel to sleep. We spent Saturday and Sunday visiting with old friends, then headed home early Monday morning, with a stopover in LA to visit my aunt. We pretty much drove straight home, with a stop at Starbucks in Castaic, California (the last city as you leave L.A. County and enter the desert), to pee and feed the baby, and the Harris Ranch Inn & Restaurant in Coalinga for a delicious late lunch.

It was a relief to arrive home and sleep in our own beds, but the trip overall was excellent. The kids did very well in the car, and I hope that N and S will remember at least some of the journey. I enjoyed seeing parts of the country I hadn't been to, visiting our old home and seeing good friends, and taking in a range of scenery from the evergreen forests of Yosemite to the surprisingly colorful, sandy Mojave desert, to the lights and energy of Las Vegas.

The whole family in one picture!

Family vacations are a way to reconnect with your kids, see the world through their eyes, and build memories together. What is the most memorable trip you took as a kid? Are you planning to take your kids on an adventure someday? Where do you want to go?

Also, see my companion "Family Road Trip" playlist on my YouTube channel! Subscribe to the channel to see new videos as they're published.

Living My Life on Camera: I'm Not Making Porn

Okay, maybe that title's a little dramatic, but since my YouTube channel is growing and we've started making a lot more videos, I feel like I spend a lot of time with a camera in my face. The feature called "Life Shots," especially, is very much like having my own little reality show. Every situation becomes a video opportunity. The other day, when I was changing the toddler's diaper while simultaneously nursing the baby in the Moby wrap, all in a public restroom in a medical building because my 5-year-old had to pee, I found myself thinking what a great video that would have made and lamenting that my cameraman - my husband, who also produces and does most of the editing - was not there to record it.

It's not that I think my life is so unique or noteworthy, but enough people comment about how I "must have [my] hands full," or that my boys "keep [me] busy," or wonder "how [I] do it," I figured having four boys 7 and under is interesting to a lot of people. I also like the idea of documenting a normal life. I don't have any special secret. I'm not very organized. I'm certainly no "supermom," whatever that's supposed to mean. But I think I mostly have things under control, and I enjoy life with four boys, and I don't mind sharing that with the world.

Exposing myself (sometimes literally) and our life to the camera is a way of saying, "This is what a normal family looks like." It helps other people in normal families realize that they're normal. It makes people who have it more together than I do feel good, and it gives inspiration to people who aren't sure if they could manage.

I also enjoy using the platform to normalize breastfeeding, cosleeping, and other aspects of baby care that still aren't as mainstream as they could be. It's an opportunity for education about breastfeeding and birth, and a way of showing that I'm just a regular person who does mostly practice what I preach. Babywearing, breastfeeding, these are not out of reach for most people, and they are extremely valuable, especially when you have multiple children.

It's become a little scary, being so exposed (again, sometimes literally). At first, I wasn't sure about making videos that exposed my breasts. Though I'm not squeamish about breastfeeding in public, I'm also not likely to go around flashing people for fun. Because breasts are so sexualized, I knew that I was opening myself up to attention I wasn't looking for by making videos about expressing milk, obtaining a good latch, and so forth, that couldn't help but show quite a lot of skin and nipple. Indeed, I got a penis picture in my message inbox, for the first time yesterday. Lovely. While I know that there are men watching my videos for purposes other than learning about breastfeeding, the fact that those videos have lots of views means that women (and men) who are looking for breastfeeding and pumping help will find my videos. That's the power and magic of social media. More views means more potential viewers. And, I have gotten a few genuine comments from women thanking me for the information, so I know the videos are being watched for their intended purpose as well. And I'm not sorry that I get to generate ad income from men watching for other reasons. That's money that will help me make more videos that can help more people with their breastfeeding and other baby care questions.

I still haven't quite gotten past the idea that men other than my husband are enjoying my breasts. The fact that they are anonymous helps. The fact that some percentage of my video views are from women looking for breastfeeding assistance helps, too. And I can't help what other people do with my image once it's out there. It's the internet, and I'm not naive. My husband is very aware of the potential, of course. He's the one who films the videos, after all. He's in the same frame of mind, that we'll take the views and the ad revenue regardless of the motivation, and we're glad that at least some of the people watching are learning something.

The bottom line, for me, is that the only way to normalize breastfeeding is to show breastfeeding. And since I'm in a position, as a breastfeeding counselor with a new baby of my own, to make instructional videos about breastfeeding using an actual newborn baby, a woman's actual postpartum breasts, and her actual breastmilk, it only made sense to seize the moment and just do it. Showing a real woman breastfeeding a real baby under real circumstances makes breastfeeding attainable, normal, and tangible. My videos let other women see me struggle to latch my baby, fumble with my wrap, and occasionally get confused. They let me expose the learning process of breastfeeding, to show that it's not always easy but that it's doable, to show that it's convenient, to show how it works when you have multiple children. To me, that benefit far outweighs the ickiness that comes with knowing what else my videos might be used for.

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How Dad Can Bond with Baby

"I plan to pump and make bottles once in a while so his dad can feed him and bond with him, too."
"We do formula at night so Daddy can take the night feedings. He needs that bonding time."
"If I breastfeed exclusively, then how will his dad bond with him?"
"I want to make sure my husband has a chance to bond with my baby, too, so I think he should handle some of the feedings."

I hear or read comments like these often, usually couched as arguments against exclusive breastfeeding, and what it comes down to is the concern that if Dad doesn't feed the baby sometimes, if Mom is "hogging" the baby by breastfeeding all the time, then Dad won't get to bond with his baby.

Why is feeding so closely associated with bonding? Why is there this notion that the only way to bond with a baby is by feeding?

Part of the issue is that we breastfeeding advocates often tout the "bonding" aspect of breastfeeding as one of the major benefits. Nursing a baby activates love and attachment hormones in the mother (oxytocin and prolactin) that encourage the mother to protect and care for her child. Coupled with this are the warm feelings that the cuddling and eye contact associated with feeding provoke.

But there must be ways to bond with a baby aside from nursing! After all, parents who bottle-feed become attached to and bonded with their babies without nursing them. Parents who take in older children who no longer need bottles or breastfeeding bond with and love their adoptive children. What about stepparents who come into children's lives after infancy and become very well bonded with them?

While nursing, and feeding in general, definitely promotes that bond, not nursing or feeding doesn't prevent bonding.

While the mother may be the only one who can nurse a new baby, dads can certainly bond with their babies in other ways.

If we want to keep talking about feeding = bonding, then, once breastfeeding and supply are well established (at around four to six weeks), mom can start pumping so that Dad can give the baby a bottle. Indeed, if Mom is returning to work, she'll need to pump and have someone feed the baby from a bottle anyway, and it's a good idea to get baby used to taking a bottle of pumped milk before he has to be separated from Mom for any length of time. However, I do not recommend having Dad give a bottle at night in the early weeks, especially if there is any concern about milk supply, because late-night and early-morning feedings are essential for establishing supply and stimulating milk production. If he does give a bottle at night, then Mom should wake up and pump at around the same time that Dad is giving a bottle, at least for the first several weeks.

Continuing on the feeding = bonding track, once baby starts taking solid foods (around six months of age), Dad can feed baby! That first introduction to solid foods is usually fun and hilarious, watching baby's expression as he experiences a new texture and flavor, trying out the spoon for the first time. Of course, this has to wait until the baby is old enough for solids, but it can certainly be an enjoyable bonding=feeding time for Dad.

Moving on from feeding, how about bathing baby? My husband was the expert baby-bath giver for our oldest. Baths are fun and relaxing for baby and parents alike, and the skin-to-skin contact of Dad's hand as he washes the baby is healthy and also stimulates bonding and love. Dad can also massage baby before bed (Google "infant massage" for techniques).

Dad can diaper and dress baby. Before our oldest was born, we scoffed at the idea that diapering the baby would be a time of bonding. Who wants to change a poopy diaper? It's just a chore that has to be done. But we both soon found out that, while not exactly "fun" in the "enjoyment" sense of the word, changing a diaper can be much more than just changing a diaper, especially when it comes with tickles of the armpits, raspberries on the tummy, and stroking those adorable baby feet. Anything to entice a smile!

Dad can soothe the baby. Especially in those early days and weeks, when the baby may be fussy in the evenings and need help calming down, Dad can absolutely hold and cuddle the unhappy baby. He can hold the baby skin-to-skin against his chest, which will help the baby regulate his breathing and heart rate and keep him warm. He can swaddle, bounce, shush, or sing to the baby. Often, I've seen the magic of Dad's big, warm hands comfort a baby with gas or other tummy troubles, and Dad's deeper voice is calming and relaxing for the baby.

Dad can wear the baby. When baby needs to be carried, Dad can strap him on just as easily as Mom. Wearing a baby in a wrap or front-carrier is beneficial for both baby and parent!

Dad can sleep with the baby. While I know that not all married couples share a bed, it is pretty common. If Mom is co-sleeping, then so is Dad! Dad can cuddle his sleeping baby, gaze at the sweet sleeping face, and help quiet him during night wakings. And even if they don't co-sleep, what cuter picture is there than of baby asleep against Daddy's chest for a cozy nap?

The essential piece to bonding with your baby is not the feeding, it's taking care of your baby in general. Any way that you care for a baby will encourage a bond. The only way to ensure that Dad does not bond with his baby is for him not to participate in the day-to-day needs of his baby. The above ideas are just a few of the myriad ways fathers contribute to the well-being and care of their babies.

More On Babywearing Among Other Things

Since my last post on "babywearing," I have been "wearing" my baby more and more. I've found that in the last month or so, GI has become much more comfortable in the mei tai, and thus, I have become more comfortable using it. I seem to remember the same thing happening with SB around this age. Perhaps the mei tai is better for babies about five months and up, and not so good for newborns. Now that GI sits well and can support his upper body, he seems to enjoy looking around and will happily go to sleep against my chest (without nursing!) when he's tired.

I use the mei tai a lot when I take the other two kids to the park. This way, I can be mobile and have free hands and not worry that I'm leaving the baby alone in his stroller while I tend to one of his brothers. The only problem is that I can't really lift the boys easily, especially my 60-pound five-year-old, so if they need help climbing up or down or getting on a swing, I feel fairly useless. Most of the time, another sweet mother or grandmother around sees that I need help and comes to my (and my kid's) rescue, but I feel kind of silly letting someone else haul my big boys around.

I've also been using it more when I shop, so that the three-year-old, with his little legs, can sit in the cart. However, I went to Trader Joe's the other day and put GI in the cart for the first time. He managed, although he wasn't totally steady. For a longer shopping trip, I think I still need to be holding him, and also I think SB still needs to ride in the cart sometimes. This kid-juggling thing gets tricky!

GI does love sitting in high chairs at restaurants, now. He seems to really enjoy being part of the table, even though he isn't eating with us yet. He grabs at and plays with anything in reach, and he giggles and screeches with joy watching his brothers eat. (Stay tuned for a "starting solids" post sometime in the next few weeks. GI will be six months on Monday! Can you believe it?)

I took the boys to the zoo yesterday afternoon and alternated between having GI in the mei tai and SB in the stroller (or pushing an empty stroller), and having GI in the stroller occasionally. I tried to nurse him a few times in the mei tai, but the zoo was too exciting and he wouldn't stay latched. While I'm not squeamish about nursing in public, I'm also not exactly blase about flashing random guys in the zoo who might happen to walk past me and see my boob hanging out. Another woman had sat down on a bench to nurse her baby, and I sat down on a bench next to her, took GI out of the mei tai, and finally convinced him to nurse well. She had been wearing her baby in a Moby wrap, and there was another lady there with a baby in an Ergo, so I felt like I was in very good company. In fact, the lady with the Ergo helped SB climb down out of a helicopter he had climbed up to explore. He wanted my help getting down, and when the woman saw that I was busy, she helped him down. So sweet.

By the end of the three-ish hours we were at the zoo, though, I was exhausted. Whew. Carrying that baby while traipsing up and down the hills at the zoo is tiring. My legs and back were aching. And yet, I know the only other way to have managed was with my double stroller, and I know that GI would not have wanted to stay in the stroller the whole time anyway, so instead of wearing him, I'd have been carrying him in arms, and that would have been even harder!

I also wear him a lot when I'm not at home but he might need to nap. He'll easily go to sleep in it, and since I would have nowhere to put him down, he can be "held" while sleeping and I'm still mobile and have my hands free. I think this is the single best argument for babywearing there is! Still, I don't usually wear him around the house, as I find it more cumbersome than helpful. But at other people's houses? Oh yes!

***

Enough on that, though. There's some important business to discuss. My blog is turning ONE on Saturday, March 3. My first post was March 3, 2011. I was thinking about doing a giveaway in the month of March to celebrate this milestone, but I need participation to make it work. So here's the deal. I will give away a copy of my Kindle e-book, The "Yes, It's Normal!" Guide to Breastfeeding, to one lucky winner, who can choose to keep it for him/herself or to give it to a friend. The only thing I would need is the email address of the intended recipient.

Remember that you don't have to own a Kindle device to read Kindle books. Amazon offers a free Kindle app for all smartphones, iPod, iPad, and PC.

Please leave me a comment here on this blog post within the next few days if you are interested in winning a copy of my book (or if you know someone you'd like to give it to), and share my blog with your friends and ask them to comment if they're interested. If I feel there's enough interest, I'll officially announce the giveaway in a few days and give instructions on how to enter.

On Babywearing

I have a confession to make: I hate babywearing. I don't hate it as a trend, or as a practice, or as an ideal. I just hate doing it.

Ever since NJ was a baby, I've owned a Babyhawk mei tai. I put the brand name here, even though I don't usually specifically endorse products, because I believe this is a well-made, quality product that deserves specific mention. After all, I've been using it for 5 years, with three babies, and it's still going strong. Mine has a cool dragon pattern on the outside.

Here's NJ in it:

And here's SB in it:

And, of course, GI in it, famously breastfeeding as we hiked (as seen in pictures last week as well):

The point of this is to show you that, yes, I've used it with three babies. Granted, it may not be obvious that this is three different babies, but you can see that I've aged a bit in five years, and certainly gained some weight (although that's a post for another time!).

See, in theory, I like the concept of babywearing. I should define that, first, I suppose. The idea of babywearing is that the baby still needs to be close to mom even after birth, so rather than putting him down all the time, you should be holding him. Holding the baby helps him adjust to your rhythms of life, your breathing, your heartbeat, and your daily activity. The motion soothes him, being exposed to daylight during the day helps him regulate his circadian rhythms, and it's comforting to him to be near mom. Of course, carrying a baby all day isn't practical, since we typically need our hands free for, well, everything else, so we have many cultures throughout the world who have invented various types of baby carriers, so that rather than hold the baby in arms, we can "wear" him. (Obviously, anyone can wear the baby - dad, grandma, aunt, big sibling, but I'm talking about me, so it's a generic "mom" right now.)

There are many types of carriers. There are upright, structured carriers like the Ergo or Beco. These are variations on the Asian-style carrier, the mei tai, like the one I use. There are slings, which are basically just a folded-over piece of fabric sewn into a loop you put over one shoulder and put the baby into the pouch that is created. There are several different kinds of slings. There's the ever-popular Moby Wrap, which is a very long strip of fabric that you can wrap and tie around yourself in various ways to hold the baby in different positions. And more well-known brands such as Baby Bjorn and Snugli are contributions to the plethora of baby carriers that allow you to keep baby close at all times, rather than put him down.

There are many conveniences to babywearing. My hiking example is a great one. You can't put a young baby in a structured backpack - they don't have the trunk strength to support their upper body and head in one of those until they're older. But you can wrap them securely around your front, where your body supports theirs. Plus, as mentioned, you can even nurse them in there. 

Another example is shopping. Before baby is able to sit upright in the seat of a shopping cart, shopping with baby can be a real challenge. I'm not comfortable propping the baby's carseat atop the cart, as many, many people do. It is not safe; the cart and carseat are not designed to fit together, and a little bump can send the carseat tumbling to the floor. But what to do? You can try shopping with baby in a stroller and putting your items in the stroller basket, but that's inconvenient, and it's hard to buy larger items or a lot at one time. Some supermarkets have infant seats attached to them, but they're often grimy, in disrepair, and don't have a great harness. But, if you wear your baby while shopping, you can push the shopping cart, fill it to the brim, and know baby is safe at all times.*

*I'm assuming here that you are using your baby carrier in its intended way and that you know all of the safety guidelines and instructions for using it properly.

You can baby-wear around the house, when doing laundry, vacuuming (the sound of a vacuum is usually soothing to a fussy newborn), caring for older children. You can wear the baby at the park or the zoo or at school so that your hands are free for your older children and baby is always with you.

So now that I've talked up babywearing so much, what about what I said up there, about hating it?

Well, the thing is, I do.

I hate grocery shopping while wearing the baby, because I can't lean over to get things from low shelves or to unload my cart onto the belt at the cash register. I can't lift anything heavy, like a case of water, because my center of balance is off and I have this big bulge of baby in front of me.

I don't feel comfortable cooking or washing dishes while wearing the baby. What if oil should splatter or hot water should splash?

I can't pick up my toddler while wearing the baby.

I can't sit down while wearing the baby - his feet get in the way.

I can't do my day job while wearing the baby. See feet problem.

I hate the extra weight on my feet and hips. My back and shoulders and legs always ache after a day of wearing him. I suppose if I wore him all the time, I'd get used to it?

I can't eat while wearing the baby. My arms feel like they're so far away from me, and I'm afraid I'll drop food on his head.

Most of all, I hate tying and untying, tying and untying, tying and untying the darn thing all the time!

I think my problem is that I want to babywear, but I'm not comfortable doing it. It's possible that some other carrier might work better for me - a Moby, perhaps - although I haven't tried one. An Ergo or Beco would eliminate the tying-untying thing, but still have all the other problems.

When the baby is a bit older, I'll be able to wear him on my back, and then I suppose I could cook and shop and such more easily. But you can't wear a newborn on your back in a mei tai.

I have to admit it, though. I really look forward to when GI is able to sit on his own and I can just plop him into the seat of the cart or in a high chair in a restaurant. Much easier. For me.

I'm not trying to disparage babywearing. In theory, I love the idea of it. I love that there are so many choices of carrier out there, and so many different ways to "wear" your baby as he grows. I agree wholeheartedly with all of the benefits of it. I do use my carrier. I do. But it's out of necessity and not love, and only when the convenience outweighs the irritation.

Whew. Glad to get that off my chest.

Nursing In Random Places

When many of us breastfeeding advocates talk about breastfeeding, one of the benefits we tout is that it can be done anywhere, any time. You don't have to take time to mix a bottle, or worry about running out of it, or warming it up to the right temperature, or properly sterilizing anything, or finding a way to wash a bottle, or anything like that. You can breastfeed wherever you are, in a car (stopped, of course), in a restaurant, at the mall, at the zoo, at an amusement park, at the doctor's office, at an older child's sports event or concert, with very little in the way of preparation. Indeed, a confident breastfeeding mother can even breastfeed on the move! When I was pregnant with GI, I saw a woman in Kohl's (department store) striding down an aisle with a blanket draped loosely over one shoulder, a baby held to the breast with one arm while she continued her shopping. I was mightily impressed, as I had never managed such a feat with SB. I vowed to learn to do it with GI. When he was very small, I did manage to do it once or twice while shopping, but I find it fairly uncomfortable and prefer to take a few extra minutes to find a place to sit!

The thing is, although I am willing to nurse wherever, whenever, it's not always so simple. GI doesn't seem to like to nurse when we're out and about! Honestly, it's not that I so enjoy nursing in public that I'd seek out opportunities to do so, but I don't mind doing it if necessary. I'll plop down wherever I am, though I certainly prefer a comfy chair, and hook him right up. I don't bother with a cover of any kind, as I find that makes me more conspicuous and makes it more difficult to get GI comfortably latched. Anyway, he's kind of wiggly, so a cover wouldn't stay on for long. As it happens, I rarely convince GI to nurse effectively when not in a comfy chair or lying down in bed, or at least in a quiet place, and he seems willing to wait until we get home to have a long, satisfying feed anyway, so I don't stress about it too much.

And that brings me to these past couple of weeks. We took a spontaneous family trip to Las Vegas. It was our first family vacation, and the older two boys had a blast. GI was fairly oblivious to the significance but was very good in the car, only fussing a bit, sleeping most of the time, and otherwise allowing NJ to entertain him with singing, amuse him with funny faces, or calm him with pacifier. (By the way, NJ earned full big brother points on that drive!) But, I got to nurse GI in all sorts of random places. I nursed him in a casino, in restaurants, at the Adventuredome (indoor amusement park at Circus Circus), and in the Excalibur's arcade. Most of the time, people didn't even notice what I was doing, or I got an encouraging wink, or, best of all, the waitress at a restaurant in the Red Rock casino noticed what I was doing, commented that now she understood why I had drunk all my water so fast, and said she'd be sure to keep my water glass filled! So sweet. The least comfortable nursing situation I found myself in was trying to nurse standing up at the Excalibur arcade because I couldn't find a convenient chair. GI didn't like it too much, either.

But, by far the most random place I have now nursed this baby is at Hellhole Canyon in the Anza Borrego Desert State Park. We took another spontaneous drive this past Monday. We thought to end up in Julian, a lovely mountain town known for its apples and apple pie. But when we stopped for lunch, the waitress told us about some neat stuff to see in the town of Borrego Springs, down in the desert below the mountains. We stopped at Hellhole Canyon on the way down, where there was a map of some hiking trails. One of the trails was a very short (.3 miles), easy hike, so we decided to try it. I put GI in my carrier of choice, my trusty mei tai, and started off. He got hungry, and I happened to have dressed in a way that made feeding him on the go easy: A loose tanktop under a short-sleeved shirt. I pulled the t-shirt up, popped my breast out over the top of the tank top, and pointed GI's mouth in the right direction. He latched right on and nursed for most of the hike (all of 20 minutes). So, this kid, who won't nurse nicely sitting in a chair at a restaurant, on a bench at an amusement park, or in the fitting room of a department store, this kid who will wait until we get home so we can both stretch out on the bed and nurse in a relaxed position rather than just about anywhere else, this kid nursed for 20 minutes quite contentedly while I hiked in the desert! Go figure. (It's winter, so it wasn't absurdly hot - maybe 80 degrees. I don't think I'd have attempted that in the summer!)

Here's a picture!

Now, be honest, if I hadn't told you what I was doing in this picture, would you have known?

I also nursed him in the car at a random scenic overlook.

I made my husband take these pictures so that I could write this post and have photographic evidence.

I have to say, I've never encountered any negativity towards my nursing wherever I happen to be. I know other women have been harassed, asked to move, given the evil eye, or put down for their decision to nurse their baby when the baby was hungry. I have never had such an experience, and I'm glad of it. It shouldn't be that way. Feeding a baby is feeding a baby, and wouldn't we all rather see a happily nursing baby than one screaming in hunger?

I especially like nursing around younger girls and women. I feel like if those girls grow up thinking of breastfeeding as the normal way to feed a baby, they'll be more likely to choose to breastfeed. I only remember seeing someone breastfeed twice as a girl. I remember my aunt nursing her youngest daughter when the baby was about 10 months old and I was about eight years old. I also remember someone at my synagogue nursing her baby while I was in the room. I think I was about 10 years old then. I think if I had been more exposed to women breastfeeding, the idea would not have seemed so abstract to me when I had my first baby. Thus, I hope that by being available to answer questions and being visible when I'm nursing will help normalize the image for younger women who will then think of breastfeeding first when they're ready to have their own babies.

Really, most of the time when I nurse in public, it's not about a statement or education or information or to make a spectacle of myself. I just want to feed my baby when he's hungry. And so I do.

Mothering Isn't Just About Feeding

The worst sin of breastfeeding advocacy is pushing breastfeeding to the exclusion of all other parenting values and choices. Certainly not all breastfeeding advocates are guilty of this, but sometimes we harp on breastmilk vs. formula to the point that it seems like if you don't breastfeed, there's nothing else you can do to create a strong bond with your baby, give your baby the feelings of emotional and physical security he needs to develop healthy attachments, or prevent your child from becoming an asthmatic, diabetic, obese adult.

So for the rest of this blog post, I will not talk about breastfeeding at all. Instead, let's explore some other choices we can make as parents that can help our children gain some of those benefits even if they've never had a drop of breastmilk.

To be perfectly clear: I don't mean you have to do any or all of these things to achieve the above-stated goals. Indeed, in the interests of full disclosure, I have not done all of these things with my children. You don't even have to do any of these things all of the time!

I tend to think the number one thing your child needs from you is love. If your baby knows he is loved, and is shown love through affection, caring words, and active demonstration, then everything else is really just a matter of preference.

Babywearing


Babywearing is the practice of using a carrier of some kind to keep your baby with you as much of the time as possible. There are many types of babywearing devices, such as slings, wraps, and carriers. The idea of babywearing is that babies need to be held, much as they were in the womb, in order to adjust to the rhythms of your life, regulate breathing and heart rate, feel secure in knowing that you are always quite nearby, and watch you as you go about your day. Babywearing is found all over the world in many different forms. Using a carrier or sling simply frees up your hands so you can keep baby with you and still get things done. The beauty of babywearing, too, is that not only Mom has to wear the baby. Dad and other caregivers can certainly wear the baby on just as easily. You can "wear" your baby as you perform chores around the house, go for a walk, shop (much safer than propping a car seat atop the shopping cart!), hike, even use the toilet (with a little practice...).

Bottle-feed In A Way That Mimics Breastfeeding


One of the reasons breastfeeding (okay, I said I wouldn't mention it; I lied) helps to prevent obesity and associated diseases is that it teaches the baby to regulate his own hunger. When you breastfeed on demand, you teach the child to eat when he's hungry. Because the child can choose when to stop eating, he learns to stop when he's full. The trouble with bottle-feeding (whether it's expressed breastmilk or formula), is that the baby finds it much more difficult to self-regulate. Because of the effort, time, and money involved in preparing a bottle, we as parents (I include myself) tend not to want to "waste" any of the precious liquid in the bottle, so we try to make sure the baby is very hungry before feeding (which usually results in putting the baby on a feeding schedule), and we try to make sure he finishes the bottle. As long as a bottle nipple is in the baby's mouth, it is hard for him to stop eating, because the nipple constantly drips into the baby's mouth, forcing him to swallow, which creates a vacuum that draws more milk from the bottle, which forces him to swallow again. We may be inadvertently forcing the baby to take in more calories than he needs, stretching the stomach and setting the stage for overeating later in life.

Breastfeeding also fosters bonding because you are forced to be in physical contact with the baby while he eats. We also naturally switch sides while breastfeeding so the baby can get milk from both sides. This switching back and forth stimulates both of the baby's eyes and both sides of the body. Often when we bottle-feed, we only hold the baby on whichever arm is more comfortable, so he doesn't get that back-and-forth advantage.

But, there's a way around both of these problems. Take a look at this article. If we bottle-feed in a way that mimics these two major benefits of breastfeeding, we can help to eliminate at least one of the risks of bottle-feeding.

Co-sleeping


Co-sleeping, or bed-sharing, is when your child sleeps in the same bed with you, rather than being placed in his own bed to sleep. You can co-sleep "part time," meaning you allow the child to sleep in your bed for part of the night, or "full time," meaning your bed is the only place the child sleeps, or something in between. Perhaps you sleep with your child in his bed for a while, and then slip away, or you start out in separate beds and at some point in the night end up together in the same bed. Perhaps you put your baby in a co-sleeper attached to the side of your bed, rather than directly in your bed with you.

Co-sleeping gives a baby or toddler a great sense of security at night. Humans are social animals, and we crave company, even at night. It is natural for us to share sleeping space, especially children. If the baby wakes up at night, the parent is right there to comfort him. You keep each other warm on a cold night. The rhythms of your breathing and heartbeat help to calm and regulate your baby's breathing and heartbeat. Your body heat helps baby to regulate his own body temperature. Your baby can sleep comfortably knowing that you are keeping an eye out for danger on his behalf. And you have an awareness of your baby and would know quickly if he were to wake or stop breathing (G-d forbid!).

If you do co-sleep, you should try to make your bed as safe a space as possible. If you are on medication that makes you sleep deeply, or you have been drinking and are not sure that you will wake up for the baby or be aware of him in bed, you should not co-sleep.

Baby-Led Weaning (BLW)


Baby-led weaning is a method of introducing solid foods to your baby that allows the baby to control what and how much he eats, rather than being fed purees with a spoon. You can use BLW whether you bottle- or breast-feed. When you're ready to introduce solid foods (at or after approximately six months of age), you can sit the baby in front of chunks of soft foods that he can easily pick up. Allow him to explore textures and flavors and offer him real foods. He will learn to feed himself, eat as much as he wants to, and stop when he's full.


When we look at parenting, we need to look at all of the choices we make and how they benefit our child. Whether we baby-wear or not, co-sleep or not, whether we breastfeed or bottle-feed, our main job as parents is to show our children that we love them, give them skills to cope with the world, and teach them that, no matter what, they are loved and we are there for them.