Babies in Non-Baby-Proofed Houses

Thanksgiving with a toddler, for a third time, has inspired me to write this post.

Ever since NJ was a toddler, we've spent Thanksgiving with my family in Los Angeles, as well as other family get-togethers such as Mother's and Father's Day. NJ was the first baby in my family in over 20 years, and my relatives' houses hadn't had children in them in a long time. Houses without young children have a tendency to collect tchotchkes and decorations, plants, and other non-baby-friendly items on side tables, bookshelves, coffee tables, etc. While decoratively sound, this tchotchke-collecting isn't so great when there's a toddler around.

The first few times we visited relatives with our baby- and toddler-aged son, we had to make the rounds, picking up or putting away all kinds of things, like fireplace tools and decorative items, candles, collectible coasters, photo books, and so on. As NJ got older and less likely to get into things, it was easier to visit without having to give the place a once-over first. By the time SB was a mobile baby, we had gotten pretty good about semi-baby-proofing and keeping an eye on the kids.

The only other problem is what the kids should do with themselves during the family visit. I remember as a kid being bored out of my skull while the adults sat around chatting. My brother and I were the only kids at most of these events; my aunt doesn't have kids, so there weren't any near-same-age cousins to hang out with. My kids are in the same situation - my brother doesn't have kids, so they have only each other for company. NJ and SB are now old enough that they're pretty happy to hang out upstairs watching movies. GI, however, is at exactly the wrong age for a family gathering. He's old enough to want to be up and exploring, young enough to have little patience for sitting at the table for two hours, young enough not to be able to take instructions, but old enough to toddle around all over the place, find things to pick up, throw, or chew on, and otherwise cause destruction.

Thus, Thanksgiving this year was interesting. On the one hand, it was very pleasant to be able to set NJ and SB up with a movie, knowing that they were happy and entertained and we didn't have to listen to whining. On the other hand, GI kept us on our toes a bit.

Fortunately, after five years of visiting with kids of various ages, my aunt's house is far less dangerous than it once was. We had to keep an eye on him as far as not knocking over the TV, getting into the cat's litterbox (although he actually showed no interest in it), and a few other random things. It was actually one of the easier Thanksgiving-with-toddler scenarios we've been in.

One thing that has really helped is that we've started keeping a few toys at my aunt's house. A few dollars' worth of Hot Wheels cars and two Tonka trucks that they only see when we're there make a big difference. Plus, we don't have to schlep a bunch of toys with us when we go, along with the food we were bringing, the diaper bag, and anything else we might need for a two-hour drive and several-hour stay with three boys.

So, some advice for visiting relatives' houses when you have young kids and they don't!

1) Don't be embarrassed to nurse the baby if you need to. (This has never applied to me in my thankfully very supportive family, but I know other families may be less open.)
2) Leave toys at relatives' houses so the kids have something novel to play with when they're there.
3) Let older kids have a little leeway - even if TV or video games are limited at home, for example, be sensitive to the fact that they have less to do and are genuinely more bored when they're at relatives' houses.
4) Help the hosts pick up or move items that may be dangerous to your mobile baby or toddler so that you can feel comfortable letting baby roam a bit.
5) Bring at least one change of clothes for each kid. You never know which one is going to throw up, spill, or have a bathroom accident or leaky diaper. It's often not the one you expect!
6) If you'll be there during naptime, arrange in advance for a quiet place to put the kid(s) down for a nap - a guest room, den, or other room with a closed door, for example.

What special tips or tricks do you have for visiting this holiday season?

How to Baby-Proof, or You Can't Baby-Proof a Three-Year-Old

You would think baby-proofing would get easier the more kids you have, because you already know what needs doing. You would be wrong. It's harder. Much harder.

When you have your first baby, and that first baby shows signs of crawling and exploring and putting everything in his mouth and pushing the buttons on the Xbox and stealing things out of your pantry and flushing things down the toilet, you go around and remove or prevent access to anything he shouldn't have. You might start off with a few baby gates, some closed doors, and a Play Yard fence. A few cabinet locks in the kitchen, some silicone doohickies to protect his (extremely hard) head from the (pointy) coffee table corners, and make sure you don't leave any pennies on the floor.

When NJ became a mobile baby, this was pretty much what we had. Our floorplan was such that there were two doorways to the kitchen, which meant we could simply put a pressure gate on each side to keep him out and safe from hot splattering oil. We put a gate at the top and bottom of the stairs. We put a fence around the TV and the cat litter boxes. And we kept the bathroom doors closed until he figured out (and could reach) the doorknobs. Then we got covers for the doorknobs. Then he actually needed to be able to get into the bathrooms but was old enough to know not to play in the toilet or unroll the toilet paper, so we took the thingies off the doorknobs and opened the bathroom doors.

And then SB was born. Since NJ was only two when SB was born, a lot of the house was still baby-proofed - gates were still up, cupboards were still locked, and NJ didn't have any toys that weren't for the under-three crowd (like, say, Legos). And he wasn't interested in money, so there weren't random coins lying around.

We moved into a new house when SB was almost two, and by then we didn't need anything baby-proofed, because four-year-old NJ and two-year-old SB were smart enough not to kill themselves. We may have had a few outlet covers, but nothing else. Nothing. And then NJ and SB got things like Legos and money.

And then we had GI.

For six months, GI was a stationary, lump-like being who was easy to keep safe. And then one day he figured out how to crawl and get all up in his brothers' business.

And then he fell down the stairs. Well, four steps, and they're carpeted, but it still scared me. A lot.

So we put a gate at the top of the stairs. And we had been practicing with NJ and SB for months not to play with Legos in the living room. When we moved in, we made the garage into a playroom for them, not that they play in there very often, and I made a rule when GI was about four months old that they could only play with Legos in the garage. We would make the garage their place, and GI wouldn't be allowed to go in there, and thus he would be safe from their big boy toys.

Only, they don't play in the garage. And lots of interesting choking hazards make their way into the living room. Like, for example, when GI found a bit of a popped balloon. Sigh.

And they have to remember to close the gate at the top of the stairs, but only if GI is upstairs and free, because the cats can't jump the gate (well, one of them can't), and their food and water and litter boxes are in the spare bedroom. Oh yeah, and don't forget to close the spare bedroom door when GI is upstairs and free, because litter boxes ≠ sand boxes, and cat food should really stay in the bowls, not be scattered all over the floor. But don't forget to open it again when he's no longer free to get in there or the cats won't be able to eat or poo. And keep the bathroom doors closed! I hate finding half the toilet paper unrolled, or, worse, GI happily splashing in the toilet.

And the kitchen. He LOVES the kitchen. And if we gate the kitchen, we can't open one of the cupboards, and the older boys can't get to the garage (which is accessible only through the kitchen). I must have had a burst of inspiration when I put the kids' plastic bowls and plates and cups in a bottom drawer near the sink, because GI has a blast opening up that drawer and taking everything out. At least it's safe stuff! We did have to put a child lock on the pantry, because he kept finding glass bottles to bang against the tile floor. But then SB couldn't open the pantry to get to his snacks at snack time. This is the catch-22 of baby-proofing, when you want to keep the baby out but not the preschooler!

And don't forget to close the bathroom door!

And pick up that penny.

And throw away your string cheese wrapper.

Don't you want to play with your Legos? In the garage.

I do have an excellent piece of baby-proofing advice, though, so this post doesn't become a total waste. Follow the baby's lead. See what he finds interesting, decide if it can be made safe, must be made off limits, or is perfectly fine, and adjust accordingly. I personally don't mind if he pulls the DVDs off the shelf, but if you do, move them up to a shelf he can't reach, or put a fence or gate in front of them. We decided we really didn't want him banging on the TV screen (really? Why not?), so I put a Play Yard fence in front of the TV. I hate this fence with a passion, but it protects both GI and the TV. And it's definitely better for things to be out of sight than just out of reach, because a frustrated baby will (a) scream a lot because he wants it, and (b) will probably try to find a way to get to it.

And then, suddenly, they're not babies anymore, and you can take the gates down.