Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Finding the "Yes" on Passover

This week is Passover. It started with the first seder last Friday evening and ends this Saturday after sundown. In the meantime, we, as Jews, are prohibited from eating any kind of leavened bread, along with other restrictions, which is both more complicated and simpler than it sounds.

It does mean a huge disruption to our routine, a change in the way we handle and plan meals, and me saying "no" to many requests for various snacks and favorite dinners.

My kids' spring break from school happens to coincide exactly with Passover this year, which is quite rare. There is often some overlap, but to have the entire holiday off from school is a luxury. Removing the need to pack school lunches from the already complicated week surely helps.

My husband and I want our kids to form happy memories associated with Passover. Rather than dreading it every year because they can't have pasta, rice, sandwiches, peanut butter, and pancakes, we want them to look forward to macaroons, special desserts, the excitement of the seder meals, and other treats.

But the reality is that kids are far more likely to remember the nos than the yeses. They won't remember that we gave them dessert every night and sometimes after lunch, too. They won't remember that we handed out macaroons randomly throughout the day and had bottles of Dr. Brown's Cream Soda on the table at dinner.

What they'll remember is that they couldn't have chips. They couldn't go out to eat. They couldn't have their hot dog in a bun or their meatballs over spaghetti. There's no pizza, no mac and cheese, and we're trying to make them eat way more vegetables than we normally do (because there's nothing else to eat!). And the only vegetables they're guaranteed to eat, peas and corn, are prohibited on Passover.

It's only a week (well, eight days, really). As adults, we know how short a week really is. We're adaptable. We understand the "why" and the "how." We can get creative. We know how hard we're working to provide a fun and interesting time for the kids, to provide good food and meet their needs. But to them, it feels like all we're doing is saying no.

For the first few days, we thought we could manage on just meat, potatoes, and eggs, but it quickly became clear to me that the kids needed something else. They needed some kind of snacky, non-healthy treat. I took them to a supermarket with a decent-sized kosher-for-Passover selection (45 minutes from our house), and we picked out some treats and easy lunch items to ease the "no" aspect. We had chicken franks for lunch today, to their delight. I also found fish sticks that are potato-crusted instead of breaded, which will be great for lunch tomorrow. We got kosher-for-Passover pasta, which is made from tapioca and potato starch and was surprisingly pasta-like in both taste and texture. I bought turkey lunch meat and some packaged snack items. I came home with much happier kids.

Parenting is always a delicate balance of meeting needs, acknowledging wants, and trying to explain that sometimes things are just the way they are. It's looking for opportunities to say Yes when it feels like all you do is say No. It's teaching and learning, giving and taking. None of this is more clear than on Passover.

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