Is Breastfeeding Really "Easier" Than Formula-Feeding?

Now that I've spent all this time expounding upon the wonders of breastfeeding and breastmilk, I want to look at it from a different perspective. This actually came up in a conversation I had recently with a friend, who is nursing her second baby and who, like me, had mostly formula-fed her first son. We, therefore, each have a firm basis of comparison, having done both.

As a side note, I'm speaking specifically of the choice between breastfeeding (from the breast) and feeding formula from a bottle. There is a third alternative, which is feeding expressed breastmilk from a bottle, but that is a completely different experience from either of the two more common options, and, I would venture to say, harder than either breastfeeding or formula-feeding. So that's not a part of this particular discussion, although I'm sure I will touch upon it in other posts down the line.

A lot of arguments when discussing breastfeeding versus formula-feeding is that breastfeeding is "easier." The breastfeeding advocate then goes on, informercial style, about how much trouble it is to bottle-feed. One can almost see the video, a poor bottle-feeding mother, filmed in black-and-white, spending all her time over a sink arduously washing bottle after bottle, steam sterilizing every bottle, shaking the bottle to mix the formula only to have it spurt out the top of the bottle all over her, spilling formula powder all over her kitchen counter, spending hours in the drug store perusing the formula selection hoping to find the one that is right for her child, spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars every month, etc., etc. Juxtaposed to that is the bright, colorful image of the happily breastfeeding mother, settling down into a comfortable chair, smiling with love and affection at her charming and healthy baby, rocking contentedly and singing while her baby nurses. What a picture! Why would anyone not breastfeed, if that is the reality?

But wait. Where's the breastfeeding mother with the three-week-old baby in the throes of his first growth spurt, attached to mom's breast for hours upon hours, mom still in her pajamas at 3:00 P.M., hair and face greasy because she hasn't found time for a shower in three days, dark circles under her eyes from the nonstop cluster-feeds, nipples sore and cracked, dirty dishes piled in the sink, laundry overflowing the hamper, mail left unopened, bills left unpaid, refrigerator empty because she hasn't made it to the grocery store because every time she tries to go, the baby gets hungry and she has had to stop and nurse him so many times that she can't bear the thought of having to find a place in the store to nurse umpteen times while scanning the frozen food section for whichever TV dinners are on sale so she doesn't have to cook, because who has time to cook? Juxtapose that with the new daddy fondly smiling down at his new baby while giving him a bottle, mom sleeping peacefully in the next room grabbing a much-needed three-hour nap, then waking happily to head down to the kitchen to wash dishes and cook dinner.

So which is easier?

All of the above scenarios are true, in their way. Bottle-feeding can be a hassle. Sometimes you have to try three or four or seven different formulas before you find the one that your baby actually manages to keep down. You (or someone) do have to wash five to eight bottles per day. Breastfeeding, especially in the early weeks, can be very stressful, time-consuming, and even painful.

I would argue that at different times, different feeding methods seem "easier." Certainly, when a new mom is at the end of her rope, trying to handle everything, and having to stop every 45 minutes to nurse again, she might stand helplessly in the formula aisle of the supermarket (if she makes it there) trying to fight the urge to just buy one can, just give one bottle, just to have a few hours' respite. On the other hand, the new mom who has ended up spending much longer at the car repair place than she expected and didn't bring enough bottles and formula to cover the amount of time she was there might find herself envying the other woman in the waiting area who is sitting and peacefully nursing her no-longer-fussy baby while she waits for her car to be ready.

And, of course, if you've already been at the supermarket for an hour, and you just want to go home, and you're in the checkout line, and your baby starts fussing because he's hungry, the last thing you want to do is get out of line to go find a relatively private place to get relatively comfortable and nurse. At that moment, the thought of just putting a bottle into the baby's mouth while you continue to stand in line and take care of your purchase is very attractive.

I'm not being sarcastic. I've been there, on both sides of the argument. I've been in the situation where the baby is hungry and I had nothing to give him because all the bottles were dirty and I'd run out of formula. I've been in the situation where I just wanted to finish my shopping, but I had to stop and nurse for 30 minutes on a bench in front of the pharmacy before I could continue on my way. Both are stressful. Both make you wish there was another way.

But, having bottle-fed for 16 months and breastfed for 2 years, I'm here to tell you that, over time, the very real benefits of breastfeeding far outweigh the conveniences of formula feeding. I promise. Let me tell you what I think those benefits are.

All of us, at some point, feel like we are in some way "neglecting" our baby in order to take care of other things, or just take a break for ourselves. Instead of actively engaging our baby every minute of the day, we dare to *gasp* spend 15 minutes on Facebook, or read a novel (well, maybe one chapter), or (G-d forbid!) eat dinner while the baby fusses in the swing. Maybe we plop the baby on a playmat to stare at the very interesting musical star so that we can answer emails and make phone calls. Maybe we are crass enough to pay a nanny or daycare center to watch our baby for a few hours a day so that we can work, inside or outside the home, or sleep, or pay bills, or have lunch with a friend sans children.

And then, suddenly, baby is hungry, and we stop what we're doing, pick him up, hold him close, and put him to the breast. Suddenly, we are forced to spend time holding the baby, looking into his eyes, talking to him, singing to him, cuddling with him. At worst, we continue to browse Facebook one-handed, or attempt not to drop spaghetti on the baby's head, or try to answer that work email by hunt-and-pecking with one finger on whichever hand is free. But the baby is there, in arms, skin-to-skin, receiving the ultimate in comfort, nutrition, and love. Mommy-guilt momentarily alleviated!

Continuing to nurse past newborn-hood gives the added benefit of having available, at all times, the perfect pacifier. If your baby is hurt, or sick, or unhappy, or having trouble sleeping, or agitated, generally all you have to do is put him to the breast, and he'll calm right down. Nursing will make him feel better - it actually has analgesic properties to help soothe a booboo or to calm him after or during immunization shots or blood draws. Breastmilk has all those amazing antibodies and healing properties that can help a baby recover faster from illness, and help prevent that simple cold from turning into an ear infection or lingering cough. Nursing is relaxing, and can help him fall into a deeper sleep, soothe him after a startled wakeup, relieve the tension of being in a new situation.

Nursing can calm a tantrum, provide a distraction, and (forgive me) shut the baby up so you can finish watching "American Idol."

Hey, let's be realistic, here!

I would even venture to say that nursing can calm Mom, too. I'll give you an example. When my second son was about 6 weeks old, nursing almost round-the-clock, I took an hour to go for a regular dental checkup and have a couple of minor fillings done, leaving the baby with my mother-in-law and a few bottles of expressed breastmilk. While at the dentist, I got a call from the daycare that my older son (a little over 2 years old at the time) had fallen and busted his lip and that at least one of his teeth was knocked loose. Now, in most cases, this news would have made me very anxious.  I would have been in a frenzy of "What do we do?" and "I'm in the middle of having a cavity filled! I can't come get him!" and "Oh my G-d, take him to the emergency room!" Instead, I discussed with my husband, over the phone, what we should do, and asked the dentist (since teeth were involved) what she thought. My husband said he'd pick up our son, and the dentist said we could just bring him straight to her (she also did pediatric dentistry) and she could examine him right away. (He's fine, by the way.) What struck me about myself in this whole situation was how calm I was. I'm not, as a general rule, a super-calm person. I'm easily agitated, especially in a new situation, and I'm can be fairly irritable. But not this time. Honestly, I credit all the oxytocin in my system from the constant nursing for helping me to stay focused and calm.

At other times, too, if I was especially worked up, holding my baby close and nursing him helped me to calm down along with him. It made me focus on one thing, evoked pleasant feelings of love and warmth, and allowed that wonderful hormone, oxytocin, to flood through me.

So, yes, I will freely admit that formula feeding isn't of the devil, and there are times that it can be very attractive. But I will also say with absolute conviction that no matter how difficult, no matter how stressful, no matter how much work it is in the beginning, (1) It will get better, and (2) It's totally worth it.