What Can I Do If I See Car Seat Misuse?

I'm nosy about car seats. I like to know what seats people have. I like to watch them buckle their kids, or unbuckle them, or watch the kids buckle themselves. I like to offer help when a friend is purchasing or installing a new seat.

But when I see misuse out on the street, or in a parking lot at a store, or at school, I'm at a loss. I know those kids aren't as safe as they could be, but they're not MY kids. They're not even my friends' kids, where I might be able to make a gentle suggestion in passing. I am not confrontational by nature, and I am sure that the words of a complete stranger in the Safeway parking lot would not convince someone to change their habits anyway.

There are venues where education and knowledge are possible, however.

Social Media

Share articles, videos, and images about proper car seat use and encourage friends to share them as well. If you do spot misuse in a friend's picture, send a friendly private message (no shaming, no public retribution).

Here's an idea for a gentle message you might send: "Hey, your baby is getting so big and is sooooo cute. I love the little hat he's wearing in the picture you posted! I have that exact car seat, and I had trouble figuring out how the straps should go. I went to a professional car seat installer and got the scoop. I'm not sure if you realize that the straps are supposed to be BELOW the baby's shoulders! My baby kept squirming and getting his arms out until I adjusted the straps. Also, if you tighten the straps until you can't pinch them, then it'll hold him in the seat better. They showed me that if you put the chest clip right up at his armpits, then the straps stay on his shoulders. I can't wait to see more pics of your sweet little one! Let me know if you have any other questions!"

This is likely to be fairly inoffensive, and if you "blame" your observations and information on a professional, then it's not you criticizing, it's you sharing information that you didn't have and that you found useful (even if that isn't precisely true). You may also want to include a link to a neutral third party's article or video (The Car Seat Lady is a great resource, or, of course, this very blog!). Again, the advice isn't coming from you! Just like you might say, "My doctor told us...", saying that a car seat expert told you something will probably have more power and feel less judgmental than if you jump in and say, "Hey, you're doing it wrong!"

Day Cares and Schools

My mom is a preschool teacher and often helps kids in and out of cars in the carpool line. She sees rampant misuse and isn't afraid to speak to parents about how they might improve their car seat use. As a fellow parent, you may not have that ability, but here are some ideas for ways to address misuse among other parents at your kids' schools.

Speak with the Teacher

In some schools, the teachers may not have any authority or may not be permitted to speak to parents about car seat safety. The school may not want to take on the liability for poor advice or risk angering parents with unsolicited information. However, it may be possible to share with the teacher an article or video or website that she or he can distribute to the other parents in your child's class universally, as a interesting bit of information or an issue of safety right alongside fire prevention, first aid, and stranger danger. This way, no parent is singled out, and all parents get good information. You can't control whether the parents read the articles and watch the videos, and you can't control whether they take any of it to heart and make changes, but at least you know you took some action.

Speak with the Administration

Taking things one step further up the line, you can speak to the school administration about school-wide car seat safety. If the administration is open to the idea, you might suggest having the school host a "Car Safety Day" where parents can have a CPST check their seats in the school parking lot. After all, schools often have police offers and fire fighters come to do presentations about safety. Isn't car safety equally important? (After all, car accidents are one of the leading causes of death and injury to young children!)

You may also be able to suggest that the administration to issue a newsletter or memo or include an article about car seat safety in their regular bulletin.

Direct Confrontation

If you have any rapport with the fellow parent you're concerned about, you may be able to confront them directly. As in the social media example above, though, try to be kind, nonjudgmental, and helpful. "Hey, can I show you something about your car seat?" will obviously go over much better than, "Your kid is buckled wrong." Whether you choose the direct confrontation method is dependent on your own personality, the relationship you have with the other parent, and the type of person that parent is. You may be pleasantly surprised to find that he or she is open to your information, or you may find that they shut down. If you truly don't trust this person's car seat safety commitment, then, at the least, don't let your child ride in their car.

Out in Public

I unfortunately see a lot of misuse in stores and parking lots where the fellow parent is a total stranger. I have never personally approached anyone to comment on their car seat use, but there have been times where I've been tempted. If you can establish some kind of friendly contact with the person before mentioning their car seat, your information is likely to go over better. If you feel obligated to convey the information regardless, be aware that the other parent may ignore you, become angry, or argue back.

I had an experience a few years ago with a woman when I stopped into the bank to make a deposit. This experience - as the one being "advised," not the one doling out tips - gave me a lot of insight into how it feels to be approached by a stranger out of the blue.

If I were the one making a safety mistake - willingly or not - how would I want to be approached? Probably in a similar way to methods I've listed above. I'd want the person to be friendly, "on my side," and nonjudgmental. I'd want to feel that that person genuinely had my kids' safety at heart and not merely a need to feel like a superior parent. I'd want a chance to respond, ask questions, and make my case. And I'd want to leave the encounter smiling, not fuming.

Start off with a simple greeting. A smile and a friendly "hello" are always a better opener than, "You shouldn't." Use "I" statements: "I noticed..." "I was concerned..." Most importantly, don't accuse or judge! Parenting is not a competition. You are not a better parent because you know something about car seats that someone else doesn't.

I think it's important to understand that a random encounter with a stranger is probably not going to change anyone's mind. But if you give them the information and they have it confirmed by other sources, at least you planted the seed.


Do you have suggestions for addressing car seat misuse in various venues? Have you successfully approached or been approached by someone about a safety issue? In what context? Please share your experiences and your tips here in the comments or on the Facebook page!

Solo Road-Tripping with Four Kids

I just spent two weeks with my mom and four kids. I drove from the Bay Area to San Diego by myself with the kids. The drive down wasn't bad, but took much longer than it would have (a) without kids; or (b) with more than one adult. The drive back, we encountered some very bad traffic and it took even longer than the drive down.

I did learn a few things.

New ideas that worked well:

1) Change up the seating arrangements partway through.
Since we have four kids, we have two in the middle row of our van and two in the back. Partway through the drive, I swapped the baby and the oldest, so the oldest and toddler were in the middle row and the 5year-old and baby were in the back. (Make sure you're comfortable removing and reinstalling car seats if you choose to do this!) Since the two oldest were prone to fight after spending too much time in the back together, this broke up that issue. It also enabled each of the older two to help out the younger two.

2) Individual lunch boxes full of snacks.
We went to Target the day before the trip and picked out different sorts of snacks. We then packed each kid his own lunch box with the same set of snacks. They could keep their food with them and eat what they wanted whenever they felt like it, and I didn't have to be handing around food while driving or policing what anyone was eating. This was an especially good idea since I was driving alone and didn't have an extra set of hands to help with the passing out of food.

3) Gallons of water and refillable bottles.
Each kid had a close-able, refillable water bottle, and we kept two one-gallon bottles of water in the car. We refilled water bottles at stops. This created far less waste than disposable bottles would have and was more fun. I also found the water tasted less plasticky and was more enjoyable from a reusable bottle.

4) Crayola Color Wonder markers.
My toddler is prone to color on anything within reach, so I bought a travel set of Color Wonder markers for them to use. It was novel, because we haven't used them much at home, and it was neat and clean.

5) Barf bags, emergency clothes, and hand wipes.
I bought a package of emesis bags from Amazon to keep in the car, just in case. I also had each kid pack a full outfit outside the suitcase that we kept in the car just in case a change of clothes was needed quickly. This way, we wouldn't have to dig through suitcases in the trunk to find a change. Fortunately, no one threw up in the car (I attribute this to the fact that we had barf bags available). However, at one of the rest stops on the way home, the toddler fell into a mud puddle and required a change of clothes. Emergency change to the rescue! I also bought a 4-pack of hand sanitizing wipes for the kids to keep near them. These were great for cleaning hands after a snack or after using a gas station or rest stop bathroom with questionable hand-washing facilities.

6) Plan to take much longer than the GPS claims.
Accept that an eight-hour drive may take 10 or 11 hours (it did for us, anyway). Stop when you need to. Use the restroom every time you stop. Eating will take twice as long as you expect. Don't push yourself or the kids. Make everyone (even the babies) get out and run around or move around every time you stop. They're confined in their car seats and need to stretch, too.

And some thoughts for next time:

1) Pack whole outfits in individual bags.
I've heard this suggested and had planned to do it this time but got lazy. Pack individual full outfits in separate bags so that each day the kid can pull out a whole outfit without having to root through the suitcase for what he needs.

2) Bring a collapsible hamper.
If going somewhere where you'll be able to wash clothes, bring a cheap hamper to put dirty clothes in so they don't get all mixed up with the clean ones.

3) Unpack into drawers.
I didn't bother to unpack the suitcases at our destination, but I think it would have been nice to do so. We were there for two weeks, and it got pretty annoying to root through the suitcases looking for clothes. Another option might be for each person to have his or her own suitcase instead of mixing up the clothes.

Do you have tips for accomplishing a solo road trip with kids? Have you tried any of the above tips? How did they work for you?

Using Your Car Seat on an Airplane

A little disclaimer here: The last time I was on an airplane was March 2007, when I flew cross country with my then-4-month-old*. However, as travel season has arrived and we're already hearing stories about parents harassed by aircraft crews for using child safety seats during flights, I thought an article about this topic was warranted.

The FAA is very clear that it is recommended for all children to use an approved child safety restraint (car seat) on flights. It is safest for a baby to ride in a car seat on an airplane in the same manner as they would ride in one in a car. This means that if you have a baby who normally rides in a rear-facing car seat in the car, then your safest course of action is to have your baby ride rear-facing in a car seat on the airplane as well.

Here is the FAA's page on using car seats on planes: http://www.faa.gov/passengers/fly_children/

The easiest option for you is to simply bring your car seat with you when you travel. Make sure your car seat says on it that it is FAA approved for use on airplanes. Almost all car seats are approved for airline use. Check your car seat manual for instructions on installing it on an airplane. You cannot use LATCH when installing a car seat on an airplane. You will use the seat belt on the plane to secure the car seat. The car seat does not count as a carry-on item.

But airlines allow children under 2 to fly free on a parent's lap. Why should I buy a seat for the baby and lug my car seat with me? 

This is a common question. It's certainly attractive to save money by not purchasing a ticket for your baby. However, at some point you will have to start paying for a ticket for your child (when they turn 2!), so weigh carefully your child's safety against your travel budget when you make your decision. There are no laws requiring you to use a car seat on a plane, except the laws of physics! However, car seat technicians and safety experts do agree that it is considerably safer for a child to ride in his own purchased seat in an approved child restraint when flying. Just like you keep your child rear-facing beyond one year and 20 pounds even though the law says otherwise, consider having that same child ride rear-facing in a car seat on the airplane as well.

I can give you another excellent reason to take your car seat with you onto the plane and use it: You'll likely need it at your destination anyway. This way, you don't have to check the seat. We've all seen videos of how checked baggage is treated. Many of us have had bags or belongings damaged by baggage handlers. Once your car seat has been checked, you can't guarantee that it wasn't abused. It may no longer be safe to use in a car and may no longer safely restrain your child in an accident after it has been through baggage checking on a plane! And if you weren't otherwise planning to take your car seat with you, consider that the seats available for rent from car rental agencies are typically not well maintained, have suspicious history, and are not guaranteed to be the right seat for your child. I know I would be more comfortable having my own car seat at my destination than relying on the unknown upon arrival.

According to this site, 36% of plane accidents occur on final approach and landing, and 32% occur during taxi and takeoff. There's a reason airlines want you to be sitting and buckled in during those phases of the flight. Being restrained and sitting properly in your seat is the best way to keep you safe. Consider that if you are sitting unrestrained or walking around the aircraft, and the airplane (traveling at something like 200mph) stops suddenly due to a crash, you will go flying. Inertia doesn't discriminate. Now, think about the child on your lap. A child weighing 20 pounds traveling 200mph will exert a force of 4000 pounds on your loving arms in a sudden stop. Could you hold on to 4000 pounds moving away from you? I couldn't. Think: Why do airlines require that all your baggage be securely stored in the overhead compartments or under the seat in front of you during takeoff and landing? Because if something happens, those items could go flying and injure someone. Your baby could be a projectile as easily as your laptop could. The car seat is designed to keep your child cradled gently as the vehicle jerks to a stop. Using a car seat on a flight can mean the difference between minor injuries and death for your child in a runway accident.

But what if the crew tells me I can't use it?

Now that word is getting out that it's safest to use a car seat on a flight, more parents are purchasing seats for their babies and taking their car seats with them. This is fantastic, and most of them don't run into any problems installing and using the seat as intended during the flight.

However, I have heard several stories in just the past few weeks about families who were bullied by the flight crew into either not using their seat at all or using it inappropriately, and these stories come up reasonably often. Remember that thousands of people fly every day and if we only hear a few of these stories a month, that means hundreds of families are not having issues with flying with their car seats. However, flight crews should be educated in both FAA regulations and their own airlines' policies regarding child restraints and child safety on their aircraft so that no parent has to worry about being harassed or bullied for trying to keep their child safe.

If a flight attendant tells you that you cannot use your car seat as intended (for example, rear-facing) when you are using it in an FAA-approved manner, your best bet is to have a copy of the FAA regulations and their own airline's policy in your pocket that you can whip out and show them. Explain that you are following the safety recommendations from safety experts, including the FAA and NTSB. Try not to become angry or belligerent but to explain your position as calmly as possible. You are within your rights to use your car seat on the flight, and if the seat doesn't fit in your assigned seat, the crew are required to make every reasonable effort to find you a seat where it does fit. After your flight, contact the airline via their customer service department and/or social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc.) and explain what happened and what the eventual outcome was. Most airlines will be willing to work with you to ensure that their flight crews are trained in correct procedures. If possible, have the flight number, the confirmation number on your ticket, and the name(s) of any of the members of the flight crew who were involved in your conflict so that you can have a productive discussion with the airline company.

Be prepared.

As always when traveling with children, it's important to prepare ahead of time. Just as you'll check to make sure you have diapers and wipes, food and supplies and toys for your child, make sure you have their car seat ready and available and that you know how to install it. Your car seat manual will have instructions for airplane use. If you can't find your manual, almost all manuals are available on the manufacturer's website for download. You could even save the instructions directly to your smartphone or iPad so you'll have it easily accessible if you need it.

If you can, try to reserve a bulkhead seat so that there will be ample room for your car seat without bothering anyone in front of you. A rear-facing car seat must be secured in the window seat so that it does not block anyone's access to the aisle of the plane, so when you reserve your seat, if possible, take that into consideration. See if you can work with the ground crew and the flight crew to make your boarding and car seat installation and smooth and quick as possible.

Tell us about your experiences!

If you have flown with a child in a car seat, please comment here or at the Facebook page about how it went for you. Did you feel that the flight crew accommodated your needs? Do you have any specific tips for airline travel with babies, specifically in reference to using the car seat on the flight?

*When I did fly with my 4-month-old, I bought him a seat and took his car seat with us and installed in on the plane. I recall having absolutely no problems and was very happy to have the car seat with me. The baby slept a good portion of the time in his seat, leaving my arms and lap free, and it was very convenient to simply have the seat with me at my destination. I flew Southwest, PHL to LAX, in March of 2007.

Choosing a New Car Seat for My Almost-3-Year-Old

So, I think I need a new car seat.

I'd been doing well for a while, resisting the urge to buy something I didn't really need, browsing without purchasing all the new and wonderful seats that have come out recently. After all, my older two are already in booster seats. We own four convertible car seats (two Graco Nautiluses and two Diono Radians). I couldn't possibly need any more car seats, could I?

But I realized that the Nautilus my third son is using must be close to expiring, because I got it when my second was born, and he's almost 5-and-a-half. I checked the expiration date, and, sure enough, it expires in December of this year! I checked the other one, and it's good until December of next year but would have to be replaced after that, and he will still need a 5-point-harness at that point (he'll be 4 and something and probably not ready for a booster). The baby is using the Radian R100 rear-facing right now, which is good for a long time yet.

The main problem I have with our other Radian (currently hanging out in the garage) is that at some point in the past, our cat peed in it, and after all these years and many cleaning attempts, it still smells of cat pee when it's in a warm car. That suggests to me that the cat pee absorbed into the plastic and foam of the seat, and I worry that it might have compromised the integrity of the materials, or that my cleaning attempts did so. In other words, not only does it make my car smell of ammonia, but it's possible that it's not completely safe, too.

Plus, and this is so trivial and yet matters to me and to the toddler, we really like car seats with integrated cup holders, and the Radians, as much as I like them, don't have cup holders.

The conclusion, then, is that I need to either replace the toddler's car seat or buy the baby a new one and put the toddler back in the Radian.

I've had my eye on the Chicco NextFit, which has great weight and height limits and is supposed to be very easy to install and use. But the $280 price tag is a bit staggering, especially when I don't really need it. The other great option is the new Graco Headwise/Size4Me, which is similar to the NextFit but $100 cheaper. I don't know what makes the NextFit so expensive, but in my understanding the NextFit and the Headwise are very similar in terms of specs and use. The Graco also has integrated cup holders - two of them!

But then I thought, well, if I'm replacing the toddler's seat, since he's already forward-facing, why not just get a new Nautilus, or a similiar harness-to-booster seat, rather than spend money on a convertible seat that I don't need to use rear-facing at all?

The single thing to remember about car seats is this: The safest car seat is the one that is installed correctly, fits well in your car, fits your child, and is used properly every time. There's no magic to it. Whether you have a Clek Foonf (which run about $500) or a Cosco Scenera ($50), if it's not installed properly, if your child is too big or too small for it, or if you don't buckle your child correctly, a Foonf isn't going to keep your child safer than a Scenera will, or any other seat.

I'm not knocking the pricier models at all. Indeed, they do offer ease-of-use and comfort features that do make them "better" in some ways. Because, if the seat is easier to install and easier to use and more comfortable for the child, the chances that it will be used correctly are much higher, and thus your child will be safer in them.

After browsing my options for a while, I've decided to either simply replace the Nautilus that's about to expire with a new Nautilus, or purchase the new Britax Frontier 90.

Now, I've always been very happy with our Nautiluses. I bought a second one, after all, and am considering buying a third. I also recommend it to friends all the time. I personally don't find it difficult to install, although others have said they do find it harder than some other seats they've tried. It's affordably priced, at around $150. My kids have never complained about being uncomfortable and indeed seem to enjoy the throne-like feel. It has arm rests and a cupholder and adjustable head rest. It's really a good, solid seat. It's wide, so it's not so great for 3-across, if you need that. It allows you to use the harness until your child is 65 pounds and then switch to booster mode until 100 pounds. It expires after 6 years, so keep that in mind when considering your purchase.

The Britax is over $100 more, but it has some features I'm very interested in. One is that it's a no-rethread harness, which means you never have to take the straps out and move them up a slot as your child grows. You can raise the harness height on the fly without even taking the seat out. Now, you don't have to adjust the height often, of course, but it's still a nice feature. The other amazing thing about the Frontier is the new "CLICKTIGHT" installation, which makes installing with a seat belt an absolute breeze. And, it can be done one-handed, if some of the videos I've watched can be believed. A one-handed car seat install?! Plus, it has a harness weight limit of 90 pounds, which means even if you have a really big, heavy kid, you can continue to use the harness for a looooong time. And after that, you can use it as a belt-positioning booster until your child is 120 pounds! And, as I'm sure you're wondering, it can be used for 9 years from the manufacture date before expiring. There's a reason this seat is $100 more than the Nautilus. It's not that the Nautilus is a bad choice. It's just that the Frontier does so much more in a similar niche.

I love that companies are acknowledging the desires of parents and recommendations of safety organizations to keep kids harnessed and boostered longer. But older kids need higher weight limits, and Britax has delivered in spades!

I won't be making the purchase for a few weeks yet, but I'll be sure to fill you in on what I end up buying and how it works out for us. I might even have a setup and installation video for you when the time comes!

Car Seat Rule #5: Booster Seats and Seat Belts

This is the fifth in my Car Seat Rules series, in which I focus on one aspect of car seat use in a small, digestible article.

See other Car Seat Rules articles here:Rule #1, on the Chest ClipRule #2, on Rear-FacingRule #3, on NewbornsRule #4, on Front-Facing

*The advice given in the Car Seat Rules articles is not a substitute for having your seats checked by a car seat professional (CPST) or for reading the manual that came with your car seat.--------------------------

A five-point harness is safer than a seat belt as long as it fits properly. Once your child outgrows his front-facing car seat by height OR weight, it may be time to switch to a booster seat. Please check your state laws with regard to the minimum age and weight requirements for use of a booster seat, but the recommendation is typically at least four years old and at least 40 pounds.

A booster seat works differently from a car seat. A car seat is attached to the car using LATCH or seat belt, and then the straps of the car seat hold your child in place. A booster seat is not secured to the car (typically, although some models allow you to use the LATCH connectors to hold the booster in place) but merely helps to position your child so that the seat belt will fit him properly. The seat belt is then the primary restraint, just as it is for the adult occupants of the car.

Your child has outgrown his forward-facing seat when ONE of the following is true:

• He has reached the maximum weight limit of the harness,
• His ears are above the top of the car seat, OR
• His shoulders are above the top harness slot.

Your child is ready for a booster when ALL of the following are true:

• He has reached the minimum weight and age limits designated by your state's laws,
• When sitting in the booster, the shoulder belt falls across his collarbone, not his neck,
• When sitting in the booster, the lap belt sits flat against the tops of his thighs, not across his abdomen,
• He can sit upright in the seat through the entire trip and not lean over, slouch, or fall forward (otherwise the seat belt will not function properly), AND
• You trust that he won't unbuckle the seat belt while the car is in motion.

There are two basic types of booster seats, the HIGH-BACK BOOSTER and the BACKLESS booster. Their function is the same, and one has not been proven to be "safer" than the other. The basic difference is that a high-back booster helps to better position the shoulder belt, may provide some additional side impact protection, and helps to protect the head and neck if your car's seats don't have headrests. A backless booster positions only the lap belt, so you need to make sure your child is tall enough that the shoulder belt falls over his shoulder correctly.

Some boosters come with additional features which may interest you, such as a reading light, cup holder, or LATCH connectors. The LATCH connectors do not serve as restraints. Rather, they ensure that the booster seat does not become a projectile in the car if no one is sitting in the seat. (If your booster does not have LATCH connectors, you should buckle it in even when no one is using it.)

It is important to use a booster seat until your child is tall enough for the seat belt to fit properly without it. An ill-fitting seat belt can do more harm than good in a crash by causing internal injuries. Some states have implemented a minimum age or height before a child is no longer legally required to use a booster. In California and a few other states, a child must be eight years old OR 4'9" before using a seat belt without a booster.

Breastfeeding on the Go: Traveling with a Breastfed Baby

We took a 6-day road trip at the end of December with our four boys, ages 7, 5, 2, and 2 months. We traveled from the Bay Area, California, to Las Vegas via Yosemite and Death Valley, then from Vegas on to our old stomping grounds near San Diego, and from there back home to the Bay Area. It was a great trip, and the boys did very well in the car.

Traveling with a breastfed infant has its challenges, but it is completely possible if you take a few things into account when planning your trip. The first thing to remember is, your drive will take longer than Google Maps claims. Sure, it's 10 hours from San Francisco to Las Vegas if you drive straight through and don't hit traffic, but keep in mind that you'll have to stop every few hours to tend to your baby.

The inconvenient thing about traveling with an exclusively breastfed baby is that you can't feed while driving. With older kids, if they get hungry in the car, you can hand back snacks to them to eat and continue moving. With a baby, you have to stop to nurse. On the other hand, the fact that you'll have to stop to nurse means that you also have to stop to get out and stretch your legs, which is highly recommended on long drives anyway.

The best way to handle breastfeeding on a road trip is to try to feed whenever you stop for another reason, so you can minimize your stops. Or, to look at it another way, every time you stop to feed the baby, also go to the bathroom, grab a bite to eat yourself, or fill up the gas tank.

It's important to put the needs of your baby high on your list. Don't try to push the baby to go longer than she normally would just to get in another half-hour of driving (unless you're looking for a safe place to stop, of course!). This can be harmful for your milk supply as well as causing the baby unnecessary distress. Don't rush her to finish a feed or push her to eat more than she can. Remember that, just as it's necessary for you to get out of the car for a bit, it's not good for her to sit in the car seat for many hours in a row. She needs to change positions, look around, and exercise those muscles. She also needs human contact. Sitting backward in the car seat, she doesn't see you or feel your touch. Keep her in mind as you drive!

On the flip side, some babies like being in the car and will sleep more than usual, causing them to eat less often than they would at home. If this happens, you'll need to protect your milk supply. If you can, bring along a manual pump or even just a bottle you can hand-express into and pump either at stops or even while driving (if you're a passenger, of course!). Remember that a baby who eats less during the day may make up for it by wanting to nurse more at night.

Another option to consider is to drive at night. If the view isn't part of the drive, but rather the drive is just a means to get to your destination, consider doing most of your driving early, early in the morning or late at night, when the baby would normally be sleeping anyway. This way, he can sleep in the car, and you don't have to worry so much if he doesn't eat as much on the drive. If you do this, make sure you're well-rested enough to drive safely, of course.

Do NOT nurse while the car is in motion. It can be tempting to sit next to the baby, unbuckle your seat belt, and lean over the car seat to dangle a boob into the baby's mouth while someone else continues to drive. This is dangerous. If you are in a crash or a sudden stop, your body can act as a projectile directly into the baby's face, crushing him.

I tried a few times to feed him out of the car seat and he refused. In a bout of desperation, I tried this awkward position, and he nursed happily. Sometimes babies make no sense! (Note that the car is stopped in a safe place in this picture!)

Get used to and comfortable with nursing in public if you're taking a drive with your baby. You'll find yourself  having to breastfeed at rest stops, vista points, restaurants, and gas stations. I do enjoy nursing in the car (while the car is stopped, of course). I find it's comfortable and relatively private. Allow your baby to take all the time he needs to complete the feeding, and take the time yourself to relax a little and reconnect with your baby.

See my Family Road Trip playlist on my YouTube channel for lots of related videos, and especially see this and this for examples of nursing and pumping on a road trip.

Putting My Kid in Someone Else's Car

Today, I put my 4.5-year-old's car seat in my neighbor's van and watched her kids climb into their car seats in the back row. I, of course, installed my car seat securely, fastened the top tether, and buckled my son in as usual, with a nice, tight harness and properly aligned chest clip.

Her kids, almost-3 and almost-5, are in good car seats, a Britax and a Graco, both five-point harnesses. But they were not buckled safely. The harness was too loose, the chest clip was not remotely in the right place, and the straps were twisted. On top of that, she has the same van as me, and I know that there is only a top tether hook in the center position in the back row, so really she shouldn't have had her daughter's seat on the side, either, since the top tether couldn't be secured.

It's so hard to know where to draw the line about when and whether to allow your child to ride in someone else's car. I trust her driving; I trust her parenting; I trust her to keep my child safe as they go on an adventure together. Knowing that I installed my son's car seat and buckled him, at least for the first leg of their drive, I know he's fine in the car.

But I also know that her kids are not buckled correctly. So we have one of these, "Do I say something or not?" moments. Should I tell her that her kids are not really secured safely? Should I offer to check her car seat installation for her? She knows I'm big on breastfeeding, and in fact asked me for some advice regarding her seven-month-old a few weeks ago, so if she knew I also was obsessed with proper car seat use, would she ask me for advice about that as well?

I've run into this a few times, where I just want to help a friend, but I don't want them to take my information as criticism of their parenting. And what do you do when someone asks you for help, takes you seriously, but then continues to do it incorrectly? I've had that happen, too!

So what would you do? If you were the one doing the driving, making the offer, how would you feel about the other parent mentioning something about your car seats or the way your kids are secured? If you were the one whose kid was being driven by someone else, would you say something to that parent about their kids' safety (and, by extension, that of your own child)? I don't want to be "that mom," but car accidents are no joke.

Let's hear your thoughts!

Car Seats Need to be Simpler

Car seats are too complicated. This is the conclusion I've come to. Most people do not install their car seats correctly. The ones that are aware of this demand to have their seats checked by a professional, but often the "professionals" are not certified either. Most people who do not install their seats correctly don't know that they haven't installed them correctly. On top of that, most people don't use the car seat properly once it's installed, compounding the problem.

All of this leads me to just one conclusion: car seats need to be simpler. People look forward to their kids growing out of car seats because they understand seat belts and how to use them, and they're pretty darn straightforward. We don't want to have to mess with LATCH, belt paths, chest clips, expiration dates, weight and height limits, cleaning instructions, and rules of installation and after-market accessories, especially when so many of the rules vary from car seat to car seat.

When something is simple, relatively foolproof, there's a much greater chance that it will be done correctly. Computers have gotten pretty easy to set up, because each cable can only fit into one slot, and everything else has a standard connector. TVs and their corresponding attachments (DVD players, for example) have color-coded cables so you know where to stick what. Batteries are standard sizes and shapes and are clearly marked. The nozzle on a given gasoline pump will fit in any given standard gasoline-powered car. Indeed, most safety-related features on a car are made to be relatively foolproof. The gears are always in the same order on an automatic transmission shifter (P, R, N, D...) and generally the same on manual shifters as well. The turn signal lever is on the left side of the steering wheel. The gas pedal is on the right, the brake is on the left (or in the middle, with the clutch to the far left if you have one).

My point is, companies try to make things easy on consumers, particularly because consumers are well known not to read manuals, to forget information they are presented with, and not to be willing to learn too many new things. And, let's face it, some consumers are not capable of understanding or remembering complicated instructions.

Why, then, are car seats not simpler? Why, with this item we trust the safety of our children to, are we expected to learn lists of rules to follow? Why is it so easy to screw it up? We are told to trust our common sense in so many things regarding child-rearing, and we have plenty of help around for everything else - doctors for help with illness and accidents, teachers to help our kids learn things we don't necessarily know ourselves. But car seat technicians aren't so easy to find, and, frankly, many people don't know they should seek one out. I mean, it looks easy enough: hook this thingy to that thingy, then put that tab into that clip. And, really, it should be that obvious, and it should be that simple.

Car seat technology has come so far. A lot of engineering goes into the design of a single child restraint. We want our children to be safe, and we want to be able to trust car companies, car seat manufacturers, and government agencies to have our kids' safety high on their list of priorities.

So, to those agencies and companies: let's take the next step in child restraint technology. Let's make it easy and foolproof to purchase, install, and use the right car seat for the right child in the right manner. What if the harness tightened automatically, much the way a seat belt retracts automatically after we buckle it and then auto-locks in a sudden stop? Couldn't car seats have standard connectors that fit all cars the same way? (LATCH attempts this, but research has found that LATCH doesn't always actually make the installation more correct or simpler, because car manufacturers don't put them all in the same place or make them easily accessible.) There must be a way to properly position the harness straps without the infamous chest clip; they do it in Europe, after all! Shouldn't we more clearly and honestly display weight and height rules for a given car seat? Shouldn't we standardize car seat laws across the 50 states to more closely match the recommendations of the NHTSA, the AAP, and car seat safety experts? Can we make good car seats more affordable? Let's make crash test data more accessible to the consumer, in the same way a consumer can easily see the crash test ratings for the car they want to purchase. Is there a way to build the car with kid-sized safety restraints built-in? A few models out there have build-in booster seats; could we take that to the next level and include 5-point harnesses for older toddlers and younger children?

What other ideas do you have for improving the usability of car seats? What can we encourage manufacturers and engineers to work on next, so that proper use of car seats is more universal and the end goal, of kids being safer in cars, is better met?

Kids in (the RIGHT) Car Seats

I made this video starring all three of my boys to demonstrate the dangers of moving a child to the next, less protective, level of child restraint too soon.




Please share!

Know How To Remove and Install Your Car Seats!

We bought a minivan last Thursday. What a relief it is to no longer have to stress about fitting three car seats across the back seat, of squishing my tall six-year-old into the tiny third row of our SUV, of having to choose between my kids' safety and space for groceries! I'm loving it! As part of the purchase, I opted to have them do fabric and paint protection. Having (eventually) four kids in the car will do a number on the upholstery, and I hope that having the protection will help when it comes to inevitable spills and whatnot.

This necessitated my bringing my brand new van back to the service department and leaving it with them for the day and taking a rental car instead.

So, in the past week, I have taken two car seats out of the old car, installed them in the new car, then taken them out of the new car, installed them in the rental, taken them out of the rental, and re-installed them in the new car. All at 20 weeks pregnant, I might add.

G likes the new van.

And this brings me to my major point today. It is very important that you know how to remove and re-install your car seats properly.

While I often recommend that you have your seats installed and/or checked by a Certified Passenger Safety Technician (CPST) near you (often found as a free service through your local police or fire station or hospital), you also must know how to manage your car seats on your own. There will inevitably come a time when you need to move your car seat(s) from one car to another, or take them out to clean them or the car, or rearrange them.

1. Have your seats professionally installed at least once.
If you have the opportunity, absolutely have your car seats installed and/or checked by a CPST. This will reassure you that your seats are, in fact, being used correctly. If you make any changes, such as switching from an infant carrier to a convertible seat, or turning a rear-facing car seat to face front, or adding a second car seat, you may want to return to the CPST and have them reinstall or recheck your new configuration.

2. Ask the CPST to SHOW YOU HOW to install the seat yourself.
While the CPST is doing the installation, watch what they're doing. A good CPST will show you how to fasten and lock the seat belt or use the LATCH connectors, how much to tighten the belts, and how to tell if you have a good install. S/he should also be able to show you how to correctly buckle your child into the seat. If you can, take pictures of how the seat looks when it's correctly installed.

3. READ YOUR MANUAL.
While there are some generalities we can make about car seats, each one may have some slight differences in the details. You should be familiar with your manual, know where to find it (if you can't find the one that came in your box, most companies have them available online for download), and read the instructions when attempting to remove or install the seat by yourself.

4. Know these general rules.

• Use LATCH or seat belt, but NOT BOTH to install the seat.
• Make sure you use the proper belt path for forward or rear-facing. This path should be marked on the side of the car seat itself.
• Make sure the LATCH or seat belt strap is not twisted as you feed it through the belt path.
• When forward-facing, you MUST use the top tether. If there is no hook for the top tether in the location you have chosen, then you cannot install the seat in that position.
• The LATCH or seat belt should be tight enough that you cannot jiggle the car seat more than ONE INCH side-to-side or forward and back.
• If using the seat belt, make sure that it is LOCKED. In newer cars, this simply means you should pull it all the way out and then let it retract. Tug on it to make sure it is locked.
• Look in both your car seat manual and your car's manual to check if the LATCH has an upper weight limit. If your child has reached this limit, you MUST install with the seat belt and stow the LATCH connectors.

Remember that the best car seat for your child is one that is installed and used correctly!

Ask-Me Monday 5/20/13: Infant Car Seats

This week's Ask-Me Monday video is for fan Megan, who asked, "How long should I use my infant car seat?" I've written several blog posts about car seats and extended rear-facing, and I'm excited to offer this video full of useful information about when it's time to stop using your infant car seat.

 

To submit a question for Ask-Me Monday, like Jessica on Babies on Facebook and comment to one of my Ask-Me Monday posts throughout the week. I'll select one question each week to answer in an Ask-Me Monday video. And subscribe to the channel so you don't miss any new videos!

Is a Helmet a Helmet If It's Not Buckled, or Is It Just a Hat?

Walking with my first-grader to and from school each day, I see lots of other kids of all ages riding scooters, skateboards, and bicycles. My son occasionally rides the scooter he got for his birthday, and, of course, always wears his helmet when he does so. The other skateboarders, scooter-riders, and bicyclists also wear helmets, per state law. (In California, all children under 18 must wear a helmet when riding a bicycle, scooter, or skateboard, as of 2003.) However, I've noticed a disturbing trend: The older (fourth and fifth grade?) skateboarders, especially, will put their helmets on their heads but not buckle the chin strap.

Now, it should seem obvious to the average adult, and hopefully to the average 10-year-old, that wearing a helmet that isn't fastened to your head isn't going to do a whole lot of good in protecting your brains should you take a spill on your skateboard. I wonder, if these kids' parents knew that they were skateboarding, scootering, or bicycling with their helmets' chin straps dangling uselessly, would they be concerned? I would be. In fact, it occurred to me to double-check the proper way to fit a helmet so that I can teach my kids to use one correctly. I'm not much of a bicyclist (I haven't ridden in, oh, 5 years?), so I haven't worn a helmet much recently, and I wasn't sure exactly what the guidelines were. Here are some excellent instructions from NHTSA.

Now, let's be honest, my kid is mostly only riding his scooter along flat sidewalks at a fairly leisurely pace just to and from school, with me following as close behind as I can. I don't imagine the copious brains contained under his adult-sized helmet are in much danger from a fall from his scooter. But that isn't the point, is it? The point is to establish good scootering and bicycling habits, so that if he should take an interest in more "extreme" riding, he will know how to properly wear his helmet, and will know the importance of doing so. And random falls do happen, even at the scootering-to-school-with-Mommy-following-behind pace.

N proudly showing off his new scooter. And now that I look at it, I don't think his helmet is fitted properly after all.

When my son is older and getting himself to and from school without me, should he decide to ride his scooter, he will, of course, be required to wear his helmet. And if he disdains to wear it correctly, then he will not have the privilege of riding, because I personally find his skull and brains far more valuable than his desire to ride a two-wheeled scooter when his own two feet will serve him nicely. I do hope the parents of these other kids I see, wearing decorative helmets, chin straps a-dangling, would care enough about their kids' brains to insist upon proper strap-fastening should they become aware of the misuse. Maybe they wouldn't. I know that plenty of people do not like helmet laws and may feel that allowing their kids to flout these laws is their prerogative. It's not my business, and it's not my kid. I'm just making an observation.

If your son was spotted by a neighbor improperly wearing his helmet, and your neighbor, out of concern, came to you one day and said, "Hey, I saw Nate on his skateboard yesterday coming home from school. His helmet was on his head, but the strap wasn't fastened. I just thought you might want to know about it," how would you react? Perhaps some people might say, "Yes, I know. He wears the helmet because it's the law, but I told him if he doesn't like the chin strap, he can just not fasten it. I'm not that worried about it." Others might say, "Oh, he's in trouble now! If he's not going to wear his helmet properly, then he doesn't get to ride!" Still others might say, in all honesty, that they didn't realize that not fastening the chin strap rendered the helmet useless, for all intents and purposes, and would be glad to have filled in that information.

I'm sure that by now you can see where I'm going with this.

I see properly buckling your kid in his car seat as in the same vein as making sure your kid is wearing his helmet correctly. The goal is to keep our kids as safe as possible from preventable injury while still allowing them to be out and about and exploring the world. Kids can and should be out there on their bikes and skateboards and scooters. They should be seeing how fast they can go and riding with no hands and jumping off curbs (when there aren't cars coming) and taking turns on the ramps at the local skate park. But they should be wearing helmets when they do so. They'll need those brains for years after they need those skateboarding skills.

Five Rules for Proper Car Seat Use:

1.  The harness should be snug. When you try to pinch the harness strap at the child's collarbone, you should not be able to maintain a fold in the strap between your thumb and forefinger.
2.  The chest clip should be fastened and aligned with the child's armpits, and the crotch strap should be fastened.
3.  The car seat should be installed tightly with either LATCH or the vehicle seat belt (but not both), so that it cannot wiggle more than 1" (one inch) side to side or front to back. Make sure the seat belt is locked if installing with the vehicle seat belt.
4.  Your child should be in the proper car seat for his age, weight, and height.
5.  Your child should remain in a five-point harness until he is at least four years old and 40 pounds (the older, the better) and tall enough that when he sits in a booster seat, the seat belt falls comfortably across his upper thighs (not abdomen) and shoulder (not neck).

Ask-Me Monday: Introduction

The new Ask-Me Monday video is an introduction to me, my blog, and my videos. If you're new around these parts, this is a good place to get a quick overview of what exactly is going on!

Safety Advice Is Not Parenting Judgment

When I see a child incorrectly buckled or in an inappropriate car seat, either in a picture online or in person, I often have an instinctive reaction to mentally note the problems and an internal debate as to whether to say something to the parent. I rarely say anything, as I don't want to start an argument or offend anyone or seem judgmental.

There was a viral video going around a couple of weeks ago showing a baby sound asleep in her car seat until "Gangnam Style" came on, then waking up suddenly and dancing. It was a very cute video, but many of us on Facebook who are interested in car seat safety were very quick to point out the many problems with the car seat use depicted in the video. The Car Seat Lady (Dr. Alisa Baer, a pediatrician and certified car seat technician), in particular, took a frame from the video and made a graphic showing all of the problems with how the baby and her sister were secured in the car and posted it to her Facebook page. (I can't locate the picture now. Either she took it down, or Facebook doesn't want to show it to me for some reason.) The picture received well over 1,000 comments, and while many comments to the post were along the lines of "Yes, I noticed the same thing!", or "That really bothered me, too!", many others expressed disgust that the Car Seat Lady would publicly criticize the family in this way. Others then commented that once the parents posted the video to YouTube and it went viral, they lost control over the images, and Dr. Baer had every right to use the picture as a teaching tool. There was some debate over whether her producing this graphic was simple commentary or actively judgmental and overly critical.

This got me thinking hard about how I react when I see improper car seat use. Often, my first thought is, "Oy, another kid buckled wrong. Don't they know that X should be Y?" (where X is whatever was done incorrectly and Y is the correct usage). I'm trying to retrain my internal reaction to, "I wonder if they know that their child isn't as safe as she could be. Maybe I should let her know that Y instead of X." I usually don't say anything unless I'm asked, mostly because I like to avoid confrontation.

From there, I tried to think of a neutral, unrelated safety issue that I might want to point out to someone, to decide if commenting on said problem could really be construed as judgmental or critical of their parenting skills. One safety tip I remember from a baby-sitting course I took as a teenager still sticks with me. When cooking on the stove top, turn the pot handles in so that they're not hanging out over the edge of the stove. This way, a toddler can't reach up and grab the handle, potentially dumping whatever's in the pot on themselves and getting severely burned. To this day, whenever I cook on the stove top, I always, always make sure the pot handles are turned in, because my toddler does reach up and try to play with the stove knobs, and if he were just a little taller, he might try to grab the pot handle. It's a real concern!

So, if I saw a picture on a friend's Facebook page, say, of their toddler in the kitchen doing something adorable, like pretending to cook, and in the background of the picture I could see a pot on the stove with the handle pointing out over the edge, would I comment to the parent something like, "Soooo cute! But, hey, that pot handle sticking out like that could be dangerous. My son likes to grab anything he can reach, and I wouldn't want him to dump a pot of hot spaghetti sauce on his head. I've heard you should turn the pot handles inward so the little ones can't reach them"? (Note: I have never actually seen such a picture. This is a hypothetical scenario.)

If I did make such a comment, would that be construed as critical, judgmental, or rude? I don't think so. I think it would come off as genuine concern over the safety of my friend's child. So why, when a car seat technician points out a safety issue with a car seat, is that labeled as uncalled-for or obnoxious?

When G was a very tiny newborn, my mother-in-law and I went shopping. It was a warm, sunny day, and we were loading up the car with our purchases and the baby when a man came up to us in the parking lot. He said something like, "You know, you should get your baby out of the sun. They can get sunburned so fast, and you might not even know they're burned." I was only half-listening, and my inclination was to brush him off and be annoyed that he would have the gall to approach me and judge my parenting skills. G was only in the sun for a few minutes while we put our purchases in the trunk, and I was sure he would be fine.

Thinking about it later, though, I realized that the man was just showing concern for a little baby. Perhaps it happened to his baby, that she got terribly sunburned and was in pain because he didn't know better, and he just wanted to make sure other parents protected their children from the same possible injury. He wasn't saying I was a bad parent or that I was stupid or anything of the sort. He just didn't want to see another little baby suffer like his had.

I think the issue requires a little sensitivity from both sides. If I see a problem with car seat use, my job is to express concern without allowing that concern to grow into judgment of the person's overall parenting skills. On the other hand, if someone points out a problem about car seat use, it's up to the recipient of such a comment not to become defensive but rather to take the kindly given bit of advice under consideration and thank the person for the information.

Thoughts?

Car Seat Rule #4: When and How to Forward-Face

This is the fourth in my Car Seat Rules series, in which I focus on one aspect of car seat use in a small, digestible article.

See other Car Seat Rules articles here:
Rule #1, on the Chest Clip
Rule #2, on Rear-Facing
Rule #3, on Newborns

*The advice given in the Car Seat Rules articles is not a substitute for having your seats checked by a car seat professional (CPST) or for reading the manual that came with your car seat.
--------------------------

I spend a lot of time trying to convince you to keep your baby rear-facing as long as possible, but at some point, your child will outgrow the rear-facing specifications of his convertible car seat, or you'll reach a point where you just have to turn him around for some other reason. Many, many car seats on the market now allow children to remain rear-facing up to 40 or 45 pounds. Many children don't reach that weight until four or five years old! Your child has outgrown his rear-facing car seat when: Your child has reached the weight limit for rear-facing (outgrown by weight) OR the top of your child's head is within 1" (one inch) of the top of the car seat (outgrown by height). (Note that "feet touching the back of the vehicle seat" is not one of the criteria.)

When it's finally time to turn your car seat around, you'll need to know how to properly install the seat and secure your child in the forward-facing position. Once you've turned your child forward-facing, it is best to continue using a five-point harness until he outgrows the front-facing specifications for his convertible car seat. Many, many car seats on the market allow a child to remain in a five-point harness until 65 pounds. To get an idea of how big that is, my six-year-old isn't 65 pounds yet, and he's quite big for his age. Some go as high as 85 pounds.

Your child has outgrown the forward facing limits of his car seat when: Your child has reached the upper weight limit of his five-point harness (outgrown by weight) OR his shoulders are above the highest shoulder strap slot (outgrown by shoulder height) OR his ears are above the top of the car seat (outgrown by height).

Most of the same rules apply otherwise for front-facing that I've gone over for rear-facing. The main difference is that when adjusting the harness straps, you need to use a slot that is AT or ABOVE your child's shoulders (not below). If you use a slot below your child's shoulders, he will not be properly restrained and even may be able to wiggle out of the straps.

Buckling your child in a five-point harness, front-facing:

1. Place your child (or have him climb) into the seat. Make sure his bottom is all the way to the back of the seat and that he's sitting up straight.
2. Pull the harness straps over his shoulders and pull the crotch strap up between his legs.
3. Fasten the buckles.
4. Fasten the chest clip.
5. Tighten the harness. Tug on the shoulder straps to pull out any slack around the hips and then tighten the straps more if needed. Do the "pinch test" to make sure the straps are tight enough: Try to pinch the harness webbing between your thumb and forefinger at the child's collarbone. If you can't maintain a fold in the strap, it is tight enough.
6. Align the chest clip with the child's nipples or armpits.

Check out this video of my middle son being buckled into his five-point harness.

  Installing your convertible car seat front-facing:

1. Before placing the seat in the car, check your manual for whether the car seat can be reclined while forward facing. Put the car seat in an upright or allowable recline position before installing.
2. Have your child sit in the car seat before installing it in your car. Identify the shoulder strap slot that is closest to, but still above your child's shoulders. Re-thread (if necessary) the harness straps. (See your manual for instructions.) Remember that as your child grows, you will need to periodically readjust the harness height. (Some car seats have harnesses that are adjustable "on the fly," meaning you don't have to take the seat out of your car to adjust them. If you have one like this, you can skip this step.)
3. Locate the belt path that should be used for a front-facing installation. It should be clearly marked on the seat itself. (Usually, there are arrows pointing to the slots with the words "forward-facing belt path" or similar language.) If you're installing using LATCH, feed the latch straps through this path. Make sure they're not twisted. If you're installing with the seat belt of the car, stow the LATCH straps appropriately. (Note that you can install a car seat equally safely using either LATCH or the vehicle seat belt, but NOT BOTH together.)
4. Place the seat in the car so that the child will be facing the FRONT of the car.
5. Locate and extend the top tether strap from the back of the seat. Loosen it as much as necessary until you can hook it into the top tether connector on your vehicle seat. This may be located just behind the head rest of the vehicle seat, somewhere on the back of the seat in an SUV or minivan, or sometimes in the ceiling of the car. There should be a tether hook for each rear seat in the vehicle where it is permissible to install a car seat; use the hook associated with the vehicle seat you are using. If there is no top tether hook for the seat you were planning to use, you must install the car seat in a different location. (Note that your front-facing car seat is not properly installed if you do not connect the top tether!)
6. If using LATCH, snap the LATCH connectors into the LATCH hooks in your vehicle. OR If using the vehicle seat belt, feed the belt through the front-facing belt path. Make sure the belt is not twisted. Buckle the seat belt. Then, loosen the seat belt ALL THE WAY until it locks and then allow it to retract. On an older vehicle, the seat belt may not automatically lock when pulled out all the way. In this case, you'll need to use a seat belt locking clip.
7. Climb into the seat and lean in with your knee to squish down the vehicle seat. Tighten the LATCH straps as much as you can by hand. (Do not use any aftermarket mechanical tighteners.) OR tug on the seat belt so it will retract as far as possible. Tighten the top tether strap as much as you can.
8. Standing on the floor of the car or outside the car, grasp the car seat with your stronger hand right at the belt path and attempt to wiggle it. If it shifts more than 1" (one inch) side to side or front to back, the LATCH or seat belt is not tight enough. Lean into the seat again and try to tighten it further.

Other tips:

• Older children may want to buckle themselves. If they're physically capable, I encourage you to allow them to do so, but always check to make sure the harness is tight enough and that the chest clip is properly positioned.
• Some children play with the chest clip, try to wiggle out of the straps, etc. This is a discipline issue, and it needs to be handled in the same way you would handle other undesirable behaviors. You can try positive reinforcement (every time you complete a car ride without them messing with the clip or the harness, they get a prize or something), consequences (if you have to stop to fix the straps, they lose a privilege), or some combination. I have also found it very helpful to talk to my kids about the importance of being in the car seat, how it helps keep them safe, and they take pride in knowing how to be properly buckled in. They will even fix their own chest clip if they are buckled incorrectly.
• Do not dress your child in heavy winter clothing or extra layers when they are in their car seats. Puffy coats will interfere with properly positioning and tightening the harness. It is recommended to remove bulky clothing just prior to buckling the seat, then put the coat or blanket over the child after he is harnessed.
• Some kids will not be happy about still being in a car seat when some of their friends have "graduated" to a booster. As above, you can talk about the importance of being safe in the car. I'd say that this falls under the "if all your friends jumped off a cliff..." category of parenting. Just because their friends' parents let them sit in a booster doesn't mean you have to allow your child to be less safe in the car.
• Nothing should go between the car seat and the vehicle seat. Unless your car seat manual specifically states that you may place a towel, blanket, or car seat mat under your car seat, then you should not do so. Anything between the car seat and the vehicle seat may prevent you from properly tightening the LATCH straps or seat belt. If you're not sure, you can contact the manufacturer and ask.
• If it didn't come in the box with the car seat, you shouldn't use it with the car seat. This includes shoulder strap padding (most car seats come with these anyway, but if yours didn't, don't buy them from somewhere else), head or neck support pillows, toys, etc. Nothing should go between the child and the car seat except the clothing the child is wearing, and nothing should be attached to or interfere with the harness straps.

Your child is ready for a booster seat when...

1. He has reached the minimum weight AND height limits by state law (minimum is usually 4 years AND 40 pounds) AND
2. The seat belt fits him properly across his shoulder (not neck), breastbone, and upper thighs (not stomach) AND
3. He can remain seated upright through the whole car trip and does not lean or slouch (if he is not seated properly, the seat belt will not restrain him properly) AND
4. You trust that he will not unbuckle his seat belt in the middle of a car ride.

Please remember that an ill-fitting seat belt can do more harm than good. If your child is too small to be using a seat belt (even with a booster seat), in a crash the seat belt can cause internal injuries that would be avoided by using a five-point harness instead.

Road Trips with Young Children

Last weekend, we went on a road trip, all five of us, in my husband's Toyota Camry. We drove from the San Diego area up to the Bay Area to visit my dad. We wanted the kids to see some parts of the state they hadn't seen (California is a big state, y'all) and to build some new memories.

We took them to San Francisco, where they have an amazing science museum called the Exploratorium, and to the Mystery Spot near Santa Cruz, and we spent some time with Grandpa. To be honest, even just staying in a hotel was exciting for the kids, and our last night there, spent watching How To Train Your Dragon on the hotel TV and eating popcorn, was a highlight of their trip.

N and S looking at an exhibit at the Exploratorium.

Entrance to the Mystery Spot. Me with my dad and the three kids.

N and S enjoy a movie in the hotel room.

The drive itself was about 450 miles each way. We logged over 1,000 miles total, including the day trips in the Bay Area. We started out with G (15 months) behind the passenger, rear-facing, N (6 years, in a booster) in the middle, and S (4 years, in a 5-point-harness, front-facing) behind the driver.* The purpose of N's being in the middle was that he could help care for G and that he could reach stuff on the floor of the car. Unfortunately, it was also very difficult for him to buckle his seat belt, and it became very frustrating for us every time we got in and out of the car. Partway through the trip, I switched N and S, so S was in the middle instead. This was less comfortable, but getting in and out of the car was easier. It's a reasonably pleasant drive, through some mountains, lots of farmland, and, on the way back we took the 101, which took us right along the California coast for several hundred miles with a stunning view.

So, my tips for traveling with three kids six and under in a sedan!

1. Pack extra clothes. Everyone, including Mom and Dad, need at least one extra everything - up to and including socks. Before we even got to the end of the first day, G had vomited all over himself and me, meaning both of us needed to use our extra clothes almost right away! NJ's pants split one day, and we discovered that he had not packed four pairs of pants as instructed. We had to run to Target on Christmas Eve to buy him another pair. Everyone needs an extra set of clothes!

2. Get new things to do in the car. Even just a simple coloring and activity book, when new, will be more interesting than any well-loved toy. Especially since there's a limited number of things you can do while sitting in a car, it's vital to find stuff for the kids to play with. Now that N can read, his world has opened up, but S and G were harder to entertain. Some plain paper, a few coloring books, a new package of washable  (and I emphasize WASHABLE) markers, and a pair of clipboards were very successful purchases for the two older boys. For G, I got some inexpensive electronic toys - a pretend laptop and cell phone. As it happened, he didn't play with much. He mostly watched his brothers, slept a bit, and looked around.

3. Encourage the kids to look out the window. Our kids are used to being actively entertained. In fact, N got annoyed with my husband and me for mooing at the cows! We told him that we were required to moo at cows, baa at sheep, and neigh at horses, but that oinking at pigs was optional. (We didn't see any pigs, anyway, though we did pass a pig farm.) He didn't believe us, but after a while, he got into it. Part of the purpose of the trip was for them to see some new sights, and looking out the window of the car can actually be interesting.

4. Stop frequently. Just because Google Maps tells you the trip will take 6.5 hours doesn't mean it will take only that long. Plan for it to take at least two hours longer. Account for bathroom breaks, stretching legs, nursing the baby, finding dropped toys, getting gas, buying treats, eating, getting air for a carsick 6-year-old, etc.

5. Schedule your departure time so that the kids will sleep at one end or the other. We left at 4:00 in the morning - we woke the kids up long enough to get in the car, still in pajamas, and allowed them to drift back off to sleep. That killed about two to three hours of the 8+-hour trip for them. Sure, we were tired, but we could handle it (with a little help from our friend, Coffee). Sleeping kids are quiet kids.

6. Bring music your kids like. G right now LOVES "Gangnam Style" (as do a billion other people in the world, apparently). I don't know why, but it can calm him or cheer him up sometimes. We brought a CD of music the kids like so that we could, in a pinch, put it on to make them happy.

7. Bring movies. For $89 at Walmart, we bought a dual-screen car DVD system. There was a bit of a dilemma, because while they are advertised as being secured to the headrest of the front seats so that the back seat passengers can see them, these screens are not crash-tested, and I doubt the Velcro straps would really stay secured at crash forces. However, I also don't think they would go flying. We decided to take the risk, as a movie provides a good 90 minutes to two hours of quiet, and the kids enjoyed the novelty of watching movies in the car.

S watching Toy Story 2 while sitting comfortably in his car seat.

8. Have as many kids in car seats as you can. Kids in car seats are more comfortable, because they have their own head rest. We put the back on N's booster seat so he would have a head rest as well, even though he usually uses the seat without the back. It was advantageous for N to be buckled with the seat belt, because he was a bit more mobile and was able to lean over to pick things up from the floor. However, while the car was in motion, he wasn't supposed to be leaning over.

9. Bring snacks and drinks, and don't be as strict about eating rules. It's vacation. Bring stuff your kids like to eat, that they can handle on their own, and let them eat when they express hunger. This keeps them quiet and happy. Obviously, they shouldn't be eating all the time, but kids get bored and hungry in the car. Also, I got each of them a straw cup so they could drink whenever they were thirsty.

10. Be flexible with sleeping arrangements. We ended up in a hotel "suite" with two queen beds and a pull-out sofa bed. This actually worked amazingly well. N and S shared the pull-out sofa bed. I slept on one of the queen beds with G, and my husband had the other bed to himself. At some point during the night, either S or N (or both?) joined my husband in his bed.

What tips do you have to smooth a long car ride and vacation with kids?

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*Unrelated, but I think I'll start just using the kids' first initials instead of two initials. It's less unwieldy and flows better.

Car Seat Rule #3: Newborns

This is the third in my sometime Car Seat Rules series (Rule #1, on chest clips; Rule #2, on rear-facing).

I want to talk specifically about newborns in car seats. Often demonstrations are given using older babies or toddlers, but most of us first use car seats with newborns, and it's helpful to know some specific rules pertaining to newborns that may not apply to older babies.

A newborn may sit in an infant "bucket-style" car seat or in a rear-facing convertible car seat. The same rules apply in either type of seat. These rules really apply to any rear-facing baby or toddler, with some additional detail given for the specific case of a newborn. (For "newborn," I mean a baby from birth to approximately three months of age.)

1. What's Wrong with This Picture?

A brand new NJ in a Graco infant car seat. 

See if you can spot any problems with how he's buckled! (Answers below.)

2. What's Wrong with This Picture?

Here is newborn SB in his Chicco KeyFit30 infant seat, with two-year-old NJ looking on. Can you spot any problems with how he's buckled? (Answers below.)

So what are the rules for newborns in car seats?

1. The shoulder harness straps must be adjusted AT or BELOW the baby's shoulders.

This means that if the straps are above your baby's shoulders on their lowest setting, then the seat is too big for your newborn. Many seats come with additional newborn support padding. If your seat comes with this additional padding, you may need to use it both for your baby's comfort and to bring him up to the level of the lowest shoulder harness slots. DO NOT USE ANY AFTERMARKET PADDING with your car seat. The general rule is, if it didn't come in the box with your car seat, you shouldn't put it on your car seat. (This also applies to head supports and shoulder strap padding!)

If you do use the support padding that comes with your car seat, check your user's manual for the upper weight limit for this padding, and remove it when your baby reaches that weight limit. A heavier baby will compress the padding in the event of an accident, which may mean that the harness is not tight enough, potentially causing your baby injury or even causing him to be ejected from his seat.

2.  The chest clip must be fastened and lined up with his armpits or nipples.

I've talked about the chest clip before. At length. If your car seat has a chest clip, use it properly.

3.  Did I mention? Don't use any aftermarket products on your seat.

Don't use any padding, supports, add-ons, or accessories that didn't come in the box with your car seat. This includes the ever-popular Bundle-Me, head supports, shoulder strap padding, and body support pillows. These (a) interfere with the harness, meaning you may not be able to adjust, buckle, or tighten it properly; and (b) are not crash-tested with your seat, meaning you don't know how safely your car seat will perform in a crash if you are using one of these products.

4.  Make sure your car seat is installed at a 45 degree angle.

Newborns don't have enough head control to sit at a more vertical angle. If the seat is not reclined properly, his heavy head can fall forward onto his chest, obstructing his airway.

5.  It's okay for the head to fall to one side or the other, but not forward.

If your baby looks uncomfortable because his head is tilted far to one side or the other, especially if he falls asleep in the car seat, you may put a rolled up receiving blanket on either side of his head to offer additional support. You should put the blankets in after he is buckled in properly. They should not be attached to the car seat in any way, and they should not go between the baby and the car seat.

6.  Don't be afraid to tighten the harness!

The harness should be tight enough to pass the "pinch test." The pinch test is when you attempt to gather the strap between your thumb and forefinger at the baby's shoulder. If your fingers slide off the strap, then it is tight enough. If you can pinch and hold the strap material between your thumb and forefinger, the harness is too loose.

One tip: After you buckle the harness, tug on the straps around the baby's tummy to pull the slack out of the hip area, then tighten.

7.  If your baby is cold, put blankets on over the harness.

You should not put too many layers of clothing on your baby when he is in his car seat. Bulky clothing will prevent the harness from being properly tightened. If your baby is cold, buckle him into his seat in one or two layers of clothing and then put blankets or a jacket over the baby. You can tuck a blanket around the baby tightly to help keep him calm if he usually likes to be swaddled, but you should not put a blanket between the baby and the harness or behind the baby.

My friend was generous enough to allow me to film her newborn, at about seven weeks old, being buckled into his car seat. Please watch and share this video, and subscribe to the Jessica on Babies YouTube channel!



Note: Unless it states otherwise in your car seat manual, the handle of the car seat may be in any position when the seat is in the car, as long as it is locked in that position.
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Answers to "What's Wrong with This Picture?"
1. Harness is not tight enough - you can see how loose it is around his right shoulder. Too much slack in the hip area. Chest clip is too low - if the slack were pulled out of the straps and the harness properly tightened, you could see that the clip is not at his armpits. It's hard to see anything else from the angle of the photo. The head support came with the car seat, but it is probably both unnecessary and useless.

2. Harness is not tight enough - you can see the slack at his chest area. Chest clip is too low. All of the additional padding - shoulder pads, head support, and body support - came with the car seat and are acceptable to use. Because the car seat was not in the car in this picture, I can only assume I made the corrections before we went anywhere. :)

And, finally, in this picture, baby SB is buckled nice and securely, harness properly tightened, chest clip properly positioned. He is in one layer of clothing and is kept warm by placing a blanket over the harness.